Dr. Seuss would probably purchase his ticket to see Django on Fandango.

I write Christian Erotica

Some pair of tits from HR came to talk to us about 'sexual harrassment' today.

We get it, asian comedian, your mother talks funny

I was spooning my girlfriend this morning.

She seemed to enjoy it, but i'm definitely gonna throw that spoon away now

If Hooters doesn't stop refusing to accept my 9/11 Commemorative Coins as payment for my dinner, then the terrorists have won

I think i got 'catfished'. Went to meet the girl i've been chatting with online and it turned out to be Chris Hanson.

Terry Bradshaw has that special kind of confidence that can only come from years of showering with black dudes

I enjoy pizza, and learning karate from rats.

Just watched Breaking Dawn. Sounded like a porno. Wasn't. Still came like four times.

We need to something to stop the bullying of gaywad children.

Movie Idea: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Andy Samberg, and the entire cast of The Big Bang Theory go fuck themselves.

The Necronomicon just isn't the same on a Kindle.

Gene Hackman is Hugh Jackmans father.

Just go with it

I bet Guy Fieri loves the shit out of those Fast & Furious movies

Rich people use seasons as verbs.

If Lance Armstrong has taught us anything, its that cheating causes testicular cancer.

Just had to take my nephews temperature with one of those rectal thermometers. It was really uncomfortable, because i'm timid and he's 27.

I don't think its a coincidence that the word BASEMENT has the word SEMEN in it.

All of my black friends' dads look like Andre Dawson.

I'm just kidding. None of my black friends know who their dads are.