Ladies: If other women typically hate you, you're probably fucking awesome.

You can't say "Fucktard." I have a friend who's fucktarded, and it offends me.

I'm kinda like a disney princess except I sing about my vagina, masturbate a lot, and I just want my dream prince to fuck me hard.

I appreciate black guys because who else would help ugly, obese white women fulfil their dreams of having a ton of children?

I don't give a shit what you talk about or what you believe in, as long as you're witty about it.

Regardless of how hot you are, your man will still watch porn. Embrace it, it gets him off. If you want some hot sex, watch it with him ;)

I have the best labia I've ever seen. I want to clone myself and go down on my clone, and I don't care how fucked up that is.

If you retweet me, I'll either follow you or slip a finger inside your ass. Your choice!

"Followers: 4000 Following: 100" is code for "total asshole"

A blow job from a girl who loves cock is always far sexier & better than an obligatory bj from a girl who thinks her man just wants "any bj"

YOUR FACE IS OVER CAPACITY, YOU WHORE

The best part of waking up is a penis in your cunt.

Guys, you would get more blowjobs if you'd wipe after you pee.

Doesn't it make you want to become a Christian just so you can picture the members of the Westboro Baptist Church burning in hell?

Nobody wants to see your fat baby. Also, nobody wants to see your fat, baby.

Intelligent is a synonym for sexy.

Hey, fuck you! I AM funny. I laugh at all my jokes.

Amendment to the constitution? If a guy doesn't get pussy from his woman at least 23 times per month, he has permission to fuck another girl

Every girl looks prettier with a dick in her mouth.

"Sexy" can coexist with "Intelligent" in a dirty, hot, fiery way that is simultaneously stimulating and sensual, provocative yet elusive.