It's clear to everyone that social wedge issues are pushed so hard because they divide voters who share the same economic interests, right?

Noise-canceling headphones wouldn't do the trick against the crap I've had to listen to from the couple behind us. Need life-canceling ones.

PANIC IN EAST WILLIAMSBURG GROCERY STORE AS IRONIC STORM PREPARATION TURNS UNIRONIC

See kids, I purposely drank less alcohol earlier so I could have more marijuana now. That's called being an adult.

What if toilet paper was called asshole napkins?

I feel really blessed to live in the city that Ghostbusters takes place in. This is truly what makes NYC special.

I wish people complained about our government as much as they do about websites that change.

Use the transparent png to make your own little piece of internet gold. http://t.co/j5Vf1NUa

Just got thrown out of the SXSW CNN Grill for changing a TV to MSNBC.

MSNBC has no grill of their own so now I'm going to starve.

☐ single ☐ taken ☐ does not know how to make a checked box character

OH MY GOD NO INTERNET I REPEAT INTERNET IS DOWN PLEASE FEMA HELP BARACK OBAMA DOES NOT CARE ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

INTERNET UNTIL IT HURTS, MOTHERFUCKER

But seriously, I gave up on politics. We're governed by money. I'm stuck being an internet jackass because I can't cope with this society.

Only a nipple can save this halftime show.

If I ever came home to find that Microsoft built a store inside my house, I'd burn the entire motherfucker down.

I wish there was a way to express how much I hate everything and everyone without coming off like an asshole or somethin'.

Some Anon called me fat today and it hurt much less than usual because their IP was in a country that totally sucks.

I had to google Jodi Arias to figure out what we're supposed to be caring about right now.

I'm only growing this beard to gain the respect of my girlfriend's dog. It's not working. Stupid idiot.

Just ordered soda and candy for delivery because high.