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I don't care what happens in movies. If some aliens have the technology to fly here. Were fucked
I have plans to drink and clean my apt. Which usually results in me getting hammered and not doing anything
Just busted out my thriller dance moves. Icebreaker games are for pussies
Hey people speaking in spanish about me...just because I'm white doesn't mean I don't understand you
I could buy a house with the amount of change I find in my dryer
So theres a bunch of old guys walking around in purple frat gear here for a conference.....I dont even know how to joke about that
You seriously should have to pass an IQ test in order to reproduce.
Just convinced a coworker that I enjoy the smell of manure bc it smells like home and she bought it. They'll hire ne one...
What's the point of jeans if when you wear them they're at your knees?
I need to find the person who farted on my pillow to give me pink eye and thank them. 4 day weekend
So steve jobs resigned today. Did he leave a note saying Iquit?
My wrist hurts. I'd like to say its from the metal plates but we all know the truth...
If my salary barely supports my loans and drinking habit how do people afford kids?
Apparently you don't see the irony in getting a bible verse tattooed on your foot next to the intials of your child born before marriage
Do the unemployed bitch about mondays as much as people who actually contribute to society?
Just a bear fan located behind enemy lines educating one cheese head at a time
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