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Being drunk is the closest thing we have to magic
I wish I had insomnia during the day
I'd take you on a magic carpet ride, except that I shaved the carpet
You win some, you booze some
I'm too pretty not to be having sex right now
Twitter is a place where people with no friends come to make friends they don't have to actually hang out with
I wish we could vote people off Twitter
What came first, the asshole or the bitch?
I'm not bipolar, I'm a woman.
All women are crazy, but it takes just one fucking asshole to bring it out
I'm only a whore for the one I adore
My car and I have something in common; we both like to roll on E
Sometimes I feel more appreciated on Twitter than in real life
I really wish it was socially acceptable to punch people in the face
It's comforting to know that my boyfriend just posted a tweet and ignored my phone call at the same time....also why I like cucumbers
Guys please keep starring shit I'm using my phone as a vibrator
Producing tweets should be as easy as your mom, but it's actually just as hard as your dad was last night
A big shutout to all those people who follow then unfollow: FUCK YOU
I either just peed myself or I'm really horny
Leave it to my beaver