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The facebook car: The Douche Mobile.
Who the fuck cares?
Twitter: Part shitty motivational poster, part bathroom wall.
Hey iTunes, way to hate on all the current bands who put out music today.
9 years ago a terrible thing happened in the US and the whole world embraced us. Let's not forget those who died or those who reached out.
One of these kids just emptied his entire colon in the bathroom. God I hope he flushed. I can't have that smell linger & I am NOT checking.
I love my new clear storage containers for my fridge.
Now I can see how rotten the leftovers are without having to open them.
Zach and Will #Oscars2013
I need a new job. My best skill is being a bitch. DM me if I'm the person you're looking for.
Wall-E Fist Her
Fergie's boobs are sparkly.
Kid on TV wants to know what kind of dinosaur Barney is.
It's Christmas. Know how I know? My children just put themselves to bed.
Who the fuck set the weather on "Antarctica"?
You can always tell which candy came from the old people.
National Coming Out Day and Columbus Day today.
Think Columbus has something to tell us?
When you have your location turned on your tweets, I use google street view to look in your windows.
Fresh out of the shower.
Now the carpet smells like the drapes.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this on your anniversary Flinstones, but Stoney Curtis is no more.
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