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I just told a joke so heinous that someone blew a rape whistle
I'm stuck in the trunk of a car😬
I just liberated my chin from the oppressive follicles that keep me from realizing my potential as a handsome man.
I didn't expect to fall into a a career that would require so much ass grease but here I am. A stay at home pedicab driver.
Texas isn't even that big it's just hungover and bloated
I'm not the type of guy that posts on facebook looking for validation for hitting the gym at 2am to masturbate in the sauna
I'm too narcissistic for sun light
I just saw a white person getting arrested. He must have really fucked up. This night is getting crazy
All I want to do is play with a bunch of big dogs today
I'm so hungover I just want to get water boarded.
Roommate: Why haven't you showered in 5 days
Me: I'm getting ready to go to Wal-Mart
I want to build a big palace where all of my friends can live and create without any inhibitions
Holy fucking shit
As great as it is that gay marriage is legal in all 50 states I won't be satisfied until I get to see a bigot or two burning alive.
I just bagged a jewess from tinder with the line "I'm going to put up a settlement in that ass."
America needs to collectively loose like 30000000 pounds
I wear pajamas and by that I
mean a bow tie
I have no intention of entertaining any inhibitions here. Proceed with caution.
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