Time saving tip: don't have friends.

too much humidity in the air makin girls' hair frizzy and tortilla chips soggy smdh

If US Department of Agriculture agents knock on your door, you've GOT to shout, "guys, somebody called the crops!"

Any money rappers earn immediately goes back into the economy.

my pitbull getting some pic.twitter.com/Vq6UPwzKlI

Pronouncing brands with Rick Ross, episode 4  https://vine.co/v/b9rbDhPbWi9 

Every handjob is given resentfully.

Loving this book pic.twitter.com/GXpbrW3FEB

Can't wait for Kim to lose the baby weight so I can triumphantly declare "SLIM KARDASHIAN!" on the cover of Us Weekly and then kill myself.

A lot of people have asked me to do a makeup tutorial.

Okay, well maybe you shouldn't call it a "baby shower" if you didn't want me to shower you with babies.

Yahoo! Now owns the rights to your pictures of kush and underage breasts.

"We're just getting dinner right now" is how Americans say "we're not hanging out with you tonight."

Phone calls before 9 am should be illegal.

"You are sooo pretty! And I say that with the utmost latent hostility."
-girls

Oh, so birds can wake up at 4 am to sing elaborate songs and their stepdads don't call them 'gay'?

Men and women can be friends AFTER they make out to get it out of the way.

Kids, grandpa never woke up from his new Bugatti :(

Pronouncing brands with Rick Ross, episode 3  https://vine.co/v/b9beX3XWJAT 

Chicken Soup for the Cliché Soul