Jamal has 6 gold teeth. Each tooth is worth $80. When does Jamal's episode of "Cops" air? Show your work.

Get it trending. Stop #SOPA! #occupytheinternet

After each time I send a tweet, I throw my phone on the ground and scream in my Russell Crowe Gladiator voice "Are you not entertained!?".

I wish I lived in Seattle. The town where you can pull out an acoustic and get chicks with Soundgarden.

Being atheist is like being the 1st grader who figured out Santa isnt real. Even though you're right, if you speak of it everyone hates you.

I need about 4 more middle fingers.

Guess what the "N word" is in North Carolina?

Knowledge

I spend more time making funny faces in the round mirrors on the ceilings of Walgreens than I do actually shopping.

I wonder what Samuel L. Jackson is yelling about right now.

Violent crime would be gone if kittens would yawn more often.

The sash-ringing, the trash-singing, mash-flinging, the flash-stringing, ringing, the crash-digging, THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER!

Just got a foreclosure notice on my pillow fort.

Actually, you WILL refer to my dog as General Chompers the Patron Saint of Badass or you will get out of my house.

Stop following me. Put that roll of duct tape down. Seriously get away. #IgethatALOT

“@wtfuckfacts: Every time you sneeze, you have one tenth of an orgasm.” ill be snorting pepper and staring at a bright light if u need me

I lost the keys to my handcuffs. Your girlfriend won't be home tonight.

Mooned 4 school buses today, that'll teach those jackass 4th graders to cuss me out while I'm running.

Really all I'm saying is Led Zeppelin is the greatest band of all time and if you don't agree I don't care because you're already dead to me

I've discovered the easiest way to become popular on twitter.

1) Get retweeted by @mmmorse_code

2) Then get retweeted by everyone else.

Everybody should RT @notlevi because his tweets are the best. Y U NO FOLLOW HIM!? Y U NO RAPE THAT FOLLOW BUTTON!?