LESBIANS. Men can't seem to get enough of lesbians!

Until it's time to give them promotions, equal pay, better housing, marriage rights...

We are all broken.

Some of us have just found a better Superglue than others.

Laundromat - Just like college except no beer, weed or sex.

You people have brought the most disgusting, depraved, raunchy, sick filth into my life. I love you guys!!!

Guys.

You really wanna Fuck a woman? Fuck her mind first.

Then she'll do whatever you want.

Stars are like hand jobs: don't require much effort, don't cost anything, can be given day or night, & makes ur eyes roll back in ur head.

Instead of going out on Saturday night, I am watching #thesocialnetwork & Tweeting. The irony is not lost on me.

Twitter is like getting a blow job in the bathroom of a gay bar. It may feel good when you do it - but you'll just feel dirty later.

All women want to feel like a hot sex symbol at least once before their shit goes South.

Note to self. Don't trim cat's claws while naked...ever ever again...

Tongue. It's the universal language.

I starfuck you.
U starfuck me.
We'r one big Tweep Family.
With a great big cock & puss from me to you,
Won't you TotD me too.

You deserve to wake up happy. Every day. When you can make that happen independent of anyone else in your life, you've owned your future.

Approach a vag like ur sipping cognac at the end of a beautiful meal; not like guzzling water after mowing the lawn.

Way better results!

I own my firm. Boss is a real bitch too.

Beach sex = cock exfoliation.

I'm a star slut.

I want men to b more like food. Entertain me. Fill me up. Give me something fun to do while watching TV. Give me a little party in my mouth.

Is anyone going to be live tweeting the Royal Wedding??

I'd like to know who to unfollow now.

Cats r evil demons. They cry when picked up. Cry when not picked up. I'm getting a bunny. Those fuckers say nothing.