Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Oh, goody. It's snowing.
Sorry I tweeted out of turn..was this the couples only song?
Paul Ryan: "Look, all I'm saying is that if we had an equal pay law, then inner city women might use it to make as much as white men."
Some of your selfies should include a shot of penicillin.
Hey Twitter newbs
Make sure you set up your account with the automated DM feature to thank everyone for following so we can all hate you
I love you the most
When you're asleep
Hey girl, are you a hairless cat? Because, despite being ugly, everyone has seen you naked.
Your Twitter Crush is just a Ham Sandwich.
I just quit smoking so excuse me while I turn into a crazy fucking bitch for the next week or so.
Talk about bad timing. Bruce Jenner is becoming a woman just in time for menopause.
Give a fish a man and Ariel will change her Facebook relationship status.
There's two types of people. Cat people and assholes.
Ever have one of those days where you feel like your dick is getting smaller?
What do you mean, "WTF" does not mean Where's The Food"? WTF?!
I learned long ago that when your corner’s empty, and no one’s there for you, you are all you need.
Anything else is a bonus.
I remember when I first started twitter and I was in awe of so many of the users.
Now, I just pity most of them.
Telling me it can't be done just makes me want to do it twice.
In a parallel universe, I have my shit together.
Comparatively speaking, the depth of your hardship is akin to the kiddie pool, yet others swim while you bitch. Fuckin suck it up, cupcake.
Fact: If you go on holiday and don't take a photo of your feet in front of a pool next to a cocktail, your holiday didn't happen.
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.