Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Any woman can be a squirter if you stab them in the right way.
Wife: You guys having fun at the park?
Me: *rolls down car window* "Guys, how we doing?"
My wife's doctor told her she needs to figure out what's stressing her out and get rid of it. The problem is I have no where else to live.
The heart has a bad habit of attaching itself to the wrong people.
Here beginith the lesson, as long as you're not an asshole to others, do what ever the fuck you want on Twitter. Here endeth the lesson.
*takes down hoodie*
*takes off beats by dres*
*just starts killing "jumper" by third eye blind on the flute*
Just saw a billion year old man buy a 4K TV. He's gonna watch the fuck outta some Matlock on it.
Wings dipped in fire will always soar the highest.
Nothing opens your eyes more than when people do unto you as you've done unto them
You are amazing.
More than that.
You are magnificent.
Believe in you.
In your magnificence.
Go on, let yourself shine Xx
I can go from calm to pissed within 3 unanswered texts
Hey couples who sit on the same side of a booth, we know the guy is hating it.
TV: "Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex"
"Why? That's the only organ I don't use"
*one-eyed hooker high-5s me*
Be consistent, love hard, stay faithful to your dreams and be good to those around you. This is what makes makes life worth living.
Your honor, I wrote a 140 character DM & he replied with a kissy emoji. I had no choice but to burn his house down.
She's free to go!!!
'whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of my friends'
*points to phone*
People always look surprised when you stab them.
Adam and Steve sound way more fun, to be honest.
Says here on your resume that you can turn invisible?
Me: *never showed up to interview*
I make my own fun. *shits pants.*
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.