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This Twitter update reminds me of my first day of high school. I was so scared, confused, and horny.Just trying to fuck anyone who had eyes.
I'm going to eat so many oranges, cherries, limes and bananas before I see him that I know I'll cum in tropical fruit flavor.
You know she loves you when she arrives at the airport from Moscow wearing a wedding dress
I did not have sexual relations with that retweeter
I'm an artist if avoidance is an art form.
If you don’t laugh you’ll stab someone who probably deserves it.
What about girls who are curvy athletic AND petite, what sort of jeans do those girls wear?
These days if I hear anyone playing Gorillaz I just assume they’re trying to be ironic.
The only time it’s ever acceptable for a man to cry in front of a woman is if he accidentally sees her wearing a mud mask.
Alec Baldwin getting suspended from MSNBC probably shines more light on his MSNBC show than it would otherwise get.
I love you like a Fat kid loves the idea of being thin and still eating cake.
Yes I will forgive the 2 assholes tomorrow.
The mean girl in me wants to make them suffer til Monday tho....
I told jokes nowhere and liked it.
I've been on here 30 years. Go ahead. Fuck with me.
Every time an stripper "clacks" her 7 inch heels, a dead-beat dad get his wings.
Should i feel let down because i felt let down when found out that the hardships they say they went through are maybe made up.
You want positivity?
I mean REAL positivity?
OK here goes:
Grannies In Schoolgirl Uniforms
… it's so 'never say die'
There's nothing like a nice bowl of single malt milk.
Fine tiny steps
Start walking now
Make it clear
Take it fear
I'd prefer to never be tagged in any Facebook photo.
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.