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Apparently my recent tweets are depressing.
No shit. Life is kicking my ass right now. I'll go back to funny when I fucking feel like it.
‘She remembers me! She wants me!’
‘She’s pretending she doesn’t remember me! She wants me!’
Relationship status: Been listening to a lot of Keith Sweat today.
I need a hug
I got a text from my wife today.
Apparently we divorced six months after I joined Twitter.
Movie or not, North Korea can still go fuck itself.
I've met lots of people, but I've never met a miserable person in a happy relationship.
I'm gonna keep posting/RT'ing what I want and you sir can go fuck yourself
I'd have so much more respect for that. Well, not really. But at least you'd be honest.
Whoa, hold up, Sport, you didn't drop no money in Santa's barrel. It'd be a shame if the wrong guy were to come down your chimney. Capisce.
I heard that Kim Jong-un wanted to buy Sony but he was a little short.
I may be too sexy to look intelligent,
but I'm intelligent enough to sound sexy.
How do you make the Yuletide gay?
Do you take him to a Broadway show?
I say we hand over James Franco and Seth Rogen.
Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
Sure, the threats made against "The Interview" are bad -- but just wait for the sequel, in which Rogen and Franco interrogate Bill Cosby.
The antagonist in me likes the protagonist in you; maybe we should get together and have a little conflict.
The calories in Christmas cookies don't count if you eat the whole plate until you puke
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.