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I would totally suck in my gut for you.
Try not to get murdered is the best advice I can give ya.
That moment when your Christian friends stop trying to save you. That.
I test condoms for a living. In the past year only 2 burst in my stomach.
First person who says "Ebola looks like it's going viral" is getting punched in the pisshole.
I sexted her.
She sexted back,
"I've got a headache."
"How was court?"
- I'm fucked. Screwed. Done. Pinched. Hosed. Nailed.
- Judge threw the book at me
"Was it a thesaurus?"
I'm pretty sure some of us are one step away from a failed career in porn.
“Hi I’m Jack, this my wife Diane and welcome to John Melon Camp. we hope you’re as excited about melons as we are”
That awkward moment when I realize I'm gonna die alone
The new secret service head worked for comcast so if you want to see the president, you'll need to be at home between 10am and 5pm Oct 17th.
You can have all the fucking space that you want.
*punts her into space*
hey, some stuff works and some don't... always gotta be willing to try
"Didn't we just hear this song?"
- me, listening to contry music.
Just making up for the millions underthinking.
How do you speak to women, nowadays? As screaming 'I WANT YOU TO BEND OVER MY KNEE, WHILE I SLAP YOUR ASS' isn't working.
Hickory, dickory, dock.
Can't WAIT to suck your cock!!
The things I will do,
With my mouth on you::
...Will leave you unable to walk.
Body cameras on cops are a double edged sword. They record what cops are doing But, they can also record what we're doing & we won't know.
Just had sex with a blind guy.
He never even saw me coming.
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.