Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Blocking any number that texts me the phrase "turkey day" tomorrow.
When my dryer is going, it sounds like a helicopter is on my roof. When a helicopter is on my roof, it sounds like my dryer is going.
Nobody can hurt your very last feeling.
—G’nite folks and thanks! Xx
If only you would meet me halfway. What is that?.. Fucking Kansas or something?
It's so cute that you don't know you own me
I read all your groups of idiotic emojis the same. "Wurdz iz hard, do youse likes my picturez?"
The Dems think they have "demographics" on their side, but as the GOP expands the ranks of the ill-educated...
Marriage is what happens when the vodka runs out.
The day shift at my local strip club resembles the set of The Walking Dead...
No thanks Twitter Crush.
Id rather have a pap-smear with a chainsaw.
*sits on my ass like a mother fucking boss*
- my level of unproductiveness today
No notice, no heads up, you just
change it. Well excuse the fuck
outta me but I was in a relationship
with your other avi.
The only way a fortune cookie could make me feel fortunate is if I choked on it while you were talking.
If drugs were rides, grandma's
would be Disneyworld.
If white girls were no longer allowed to say "amazing," Starbucks would be 60% quieter.
Thanks for the FF list and
I'd like to follow the other people
on it...... but unfortunately I've already
BLOCKED all those assholes.
Hard to believe that Twitter was
started by 2 guys that just wanted
a private place to talk about their
Most of my knowledge of
American History comes
from sugar packets.
"FACE THE FACTS, YOU'RE JUST
NOT INSTAGRAM MATERIAL"
I yell at this piece of toast.
I’m in my 40s, so twenty percent of every day is spent trying to squeeze in a nap.
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.