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When you text message her to send you a picture of her pussy at work…
She sends a picture of you.
I get so upset with the parents that call their kids, "My Munchkins." There's no way those little punks represent the Lollipop Guild!
And then one day when you're 42 your metabolism says, "Fuck off." And your eyebrows decide to keep growing indefinitely.
Never too old for birthday cake. May be a wee bit too old to blow out all the candles. *huffs*
The problem with stupidity is that if you happen to be stupid, you're too stupid to realize your own stupidity.
Yes, today I will be tweeting like a heartbroken 17 year old.
I'm starting group meetings at my house for people with OCD. Not because I have it, but surely someone will get the urge to start cleaning
Good thing McDonalds takes the skin off their Happy Meal apple slices. I'd hate for my kids to eat that unhealthy crap.
Death by feelings.
Am I that hard to get over? Been two years already...
Or he's just an obsessive psycho. Halp!
I get more ❤️s for my retweets than I do for my own tweets ~
All I'm saying, the least karma can do while paying you a visit, is buy you a drink.
I'm not like other girls!
::: Tweeted face down from garage floor :::
Pastor: Tell me you don't tweet dick jokes.
Me: None worth retweeting apparently.
Relax guys, it turns out that UFO was actually just a nuclear missile being tested.
"I'm not ready", I whispered to the car radio as I changed the channel from Christmas music.
I would rather play Russian Roulette than Monopoly. At least I know there's an end to that game.
Motherfucker is one word, motherfuckers.
You may leave twitter but twitter never leaves you.
Everyone has a story.
Please make yours short.
I haven't got all day.
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.
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