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Just did a sweep of the perimeter and swept all of it under the rug.
Marriage means being joined together in the holy bonds of acrimony.
That fart was wearing black lipstick and smoking a clove
So you're like a human rescue puppy? Can't they take you back to the shelter.
For the past two nights we had some black bears visiting our patio. Nice to see the locals getting friendly.
At this point there's probably $50 worth of contacts floating around in my head.
The 1st rule of fight club is not to talk about fight club. This should also be the 1st rule of getting engaged, giving birth or going vegan
Unicorn: I'm powerful. I have a horn.
Dragon: Big deal. I fly & breathe fire.
Mermaid: I have tits.
*unicorn & dragon slink away in defeat*
Mixing Fireball and Angry Orchard is like drinking and alcoholic version of Grandma's apple pie.
The most rewarding thing about using all 140 characters is the knowledge that by the end, even if they finish reading, no one cares anymore
I should have shoved those stale French fries up that McDonald's guy's ass. They barely fixed my hangover at all.
Explict Content. Do not follow if under the age of 18. No follow holla's. No 4Sq. Get off my porch.
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