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I have a poem called "Rape Joke" up at The Awl today. It is a serious poem: http://www.theawl.com/2013/07/rape-joke-patricia-lockwood …
I'm A Heterosexual Man And I Am Opening The Door Of This Airplane Because I Want To Touch Some Cloud Tits
Sext: I am a Dan Brown novel and you do me in my plot-hole. "Wow," I yell in ecstasy, "this makes no sense at all"
Why write a book when you can just go into the woods and let your smell be information for the wolves
Sext: I HAND U A PANINI AND U OPEN IT UP 2 SEE THE COMMAND "ORGASM" WRITTEN IN THOUSAND ISLAND. U GRIP THE EDGE OF THE FORMICA COUNTERTOP
I am going to buy a pug and put it in a puffy jacket and teach it to say "babygirl" to me whenever I am feeling bad
I want to feel about anything the way dogs feel about Outside
Took a bunch of drugs and now I feel like a dolphin finger -- slick, sexy, and five million years in the future
To me watching Sports is like watching a bunch of steaks who came to life & are trying violently to put themselves back together into a cow
Sext: I get nude as hell. I write BRA on my boobs and JEAN SHORTS on my pelvis. I walk through a philosophy class and I am not arrested
Sext: I give u the Heimlich maneuver when u don't even need the Heimlich maneuver. A grape pops out of u that u never even ate
Sext: Inside the Dream House, Barbie is banged by a Transformer. He transform into a truck while he still inside her, the dream of every man
Most popular hotel paintings: beach after everyone is dead, beige interpretation of the rage of a cat, squares going wild, a rose's period
Has anyone ever looked into a TJ Maxx mirror so long and so deeply that they died
"How old do I think the earth is?" Rick Perry said. "I hav no idea. It pretty old. Could be a Chundred Years, could be ... a Nillion Years"
Just found the following shocking item in my husband's search history: "nic cage kissing another nic cage"
Rocks just sexting each other "I'm so hard" all day long
The Human Body Is The Most Epic Bacon There Is. Don't Sizzle It Too Early In The Hot Skillet Of Premarital Sex
Try occupying a JOB, losers. Try occupying a really, really good job. Try occupying a cool white body that went to Harvard, dumbfucks