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I used to think I was fucking hilarious and then I joined Twitter...
Sexual frustration + wine = bat shit crazy
Seriously, you don't understand why I'm upset?
Well, we had a pretend conversation in my head and you didn't answer properly, so that's why
I always judge my weekend according to the unaccounted for bruises, looks like the weekend was a success!
What the hell, who knew drinking beer daily and not going to the gym could lead to weight gain? I think they need to put that on a label!
I prefer my sext without the t, thank you.
Just heard the song "I need a lover who won't drive me crazy" and all I could think was, he mustn't be into females cause that's our purpose
I know I RT a lot, but that is only to hide my shitty tweets amongst your clever tweets!
I used to think I was good at math but you guys know how many have followed and how many have unfollowed.
I don't even know what day it is?
If kicking it doesn't fix it, then I'm out of ideas.
I wish you guys weren't so funny...I might actually be able to get shit done!
Oh what the hell!
I've decided that I'm going to give up my hopes and dreams for Lent!
Not starring my tweets is the adult version of pushing me down on the playground, right?
If so, I have SO many twitter crushes!
Is it a sign that when I worry about the ones who haven't tweeted in a while that: a) I am a stalker or b) I need to put the phone down?
WTF??? Seriously, someone actually thinks that Katrina was government engineered? Why the hell can't I be ignorant?
Oh right, I'm Canadian
I don't need a psychiatrist to diagnose me schizophrenic, my playlist does that on its own!
Don't judge me on my stars, judge me on my tweets...wait no don't do that, judge me on my character!
Ah fuck it, I don't really care!
I don't understand the saying "I don't give a fuck!"?
Are there really that many celibate people in the world?
My philosophy in life:
People have enough shit to deal with...so don't make it harder on them!
If Twitter is any indication of where our future is headed, we are going to hell in a hand basket...but it'll be a fun ride!