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a good fairy godmother carries Plan B pills just in case her princess has too many margaritas
In the spirit of DiGiorno, I'm marketing water in ice cube trays that you take home and freeze yourself.
not saying i'm addicted to my iphone but i keep pressing the spacebar twice on my laptop and no period shows up see what i mean?
"Hitler's promising art career tragically cut short." - CNN in 1945
Life sanity tip: Either get a dog that is the same color as your couch, or a couch that is the same color as your dog.
Straight talk, boys. If you’re out having fun and a girl drinks too much and passes out, your one and only job is to get her home safely.
The danger in being yourself is that people may not like you. Of course, they won't like the person you pretend to be either, so fuck them.
Good thing I'm not a told ya so kind of person or I might point out that 10 years ago today I said GWB was full of bull and I was right.
My wife has tampons that are called “Always.” I think that if I had to menstruate I would prefer a brand called something like “Rarely.”
"5 Hour Energy" is a weird amount of energy. "Be awake for a little more than half of work!" Or, "Get buzzed for 2 movies plus 15 minutes!"
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
...just me living vicariously through others. i have no life. kill me now...