Yoga pants with cat hair all over the butt

Hey guys, I'm starting a band. It's called "Unsolicited Dick Pic"

Life is too jort to wear pants.

I'm going to be an awesome second wife.

Just told a cabbie to crank getting hot in here

Nelson would be the perfect town if they sprayed for dirty hippies.

I thought it was funny and topical to wear my Cardinals shirt today but no one noticed :(

Vodka slurpee recipe: pour vodka in your coke cup then leave it in your car. (Seasonal)

Can't remember what the circles of hell are but I'm in the one where there are electric bongos.

All of the handsome dudes in Edmonton come into @themoviestudio (with their girlfriends)

When someone walks past the empty seat beside me on the bus I am both relieved and insulted.

I'm totally not above smoking movie store floor weed.

I JUST REMEMBERED ABOUT SOME CHIPS.

cats have no hangups about their buttholes

Being a raging carnivore is the new being vegan.

@thaghosty and yeah I love to juice them I got a juicin' problem

Tomorrow is my last game with my team of six years. 2pm at the rink in WEM if you're into this sort of thing. @e_villederby #rdacnationals

Let's just call mens yoga classes what they are: suck your own dick class.

Grown women with baby voices

sexy bridal gowns are weird, who's that super cleavage for? Your grandparents?