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My bucket list is actually just that I would like a few assorted buckets.
I thought I had a lazy eye. Turns out I actually have a really ambitious eye... Makes the other look bad.
"When in Rome" is a great excuse for shitting your pants around babies.
They got a Segway mower yet?
1. Eat garbage.
I'll poop in your butthole and then you will poop it back into my butt and we will keep doing it back and forth with the same poop. Forever.
Just woke up from a crazy napmare.
Objectivity is an illusion.
It's a tad misleading to call karaoke a gig.
Just in case you make me drink your drink I have built up an immunity to roofies this way.
Keanu Reeves is an anagram of "a severe nuke" which is pretty much the greatest thing ever.
I knew this one brave elephant who was openly gray.
I think I just felt myself evolve.
There is nothing so wonderful as the privacy of a toilet.
Hey guys. I'm eating lunch with Kony. He's not that bad, but chews with his mouth open.
You never know what people are gonna like.
I bet sloppy oral sex is on the list.
Near the top.
Right after being loved.
It's time to stop breastfeeding when your kid starts fingering you.
Courage is mostly rage.
A beard is the perfect shape for washing your toilet.
I love trees, and to them I'm not even a thing.