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  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Me: I am sad, we don't have any cookie crumble for my ice cream.
    Wife: lots of things make me sad, like being married to a giant man baby

    • 1,751
    • FAVS
    danielle_0827WTF_KenJay_FrickinLynnBurningInHDANightlyRaincoyotedevilcinderellashadokthnxbitheway
    • 789
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnBurningInHDThea_KylencinderellashadoOne_Classy_BumScdavis24tequilasaltlifejdbalani
    Nicholey23Midgetspar10InchesPluslaurascazroxyisradteacup_giraffe____numbertzenavesssavivalamoi448
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    If naps had a taste, I bet they'd be so delicious.

    • 1,433
    • FAVS
    TreeErvinEastbayRNc_definitlymaybeJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRaincoyotedevilrachelpelleritoBekaMonster
    • 1,058
    • RETWEETS
    EastbayRNcbjwhite1977Jay_FrickinLynnBekaMonsterAshley_OHaraScdavis24SilhouetteXoLTABN
    Alyssa_JolieSandyPeterzNoorShammaNicholey23DBMaxPBarebakAssassinDawnAnonymous____
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    No DM in your bio?
    I'll DM you a recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies.
    I don't give a fuck

    • 1,600
    • FAVS
    camzmoneydavidpollock15hawkman47ittssafpJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRainWhatevaConcSocialChalleng1
    • 703
    • RETWEETS
    davidpollock15Jay_FrickinLynnWhatevaConcStevieRodRunwayDantequilasaltlifeSamuraiJ11jdbalani
    _Ellsie_
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Pew pew pew *blows finger gun*

    Coworker: what are you doing?!

    Me: you are dead, why are you still talking to me?

    • 1,360
    • FAVS
    davidpollock15BondageLandAuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnBurningInHDANightlyRainGiffRiccitequilasaltlife
    • 786
    • RETWEETS
    AuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnGiffRiccitequilasaltlifepaulyflipTwistedAndTornJeremyCaStillOhL1v1ngdeadgurl
    naazihahArroiaINeed_AnAdultkyle_thatisallWhatsHerFace33NoorShammaocourtneynoAverageGriffinTheRealMelskee
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    73 new emails.

    *select all* *delete*

    Work is easy.

    • 1,245
    • FAVS
    AuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRainRunwayDanTweetingDadGuychopandbrewtechno_zeldaAlanGreenback
    • 669
    • RETWEETS
    AuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnmeowsepinkkcmoore51tequilasaltlifemellimelletweetmyculooffteahthornhill
    MichaelLarrickbrowneyegirl9
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    I am Canadian! All we do is apologize.

    I am sorry for posting this.

    • 1,164
    • FAVS
    gibber72AuburnHBgabemakesmusicJay_FrickinLynnella__frasercleve66thenacwmonibee82
    • 561
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnmachomitch3BurningInHDAdrianOzil11garthworldDaAwfultequilasaltlifejdbalani
    WS_Panic__________SweetTweetsBRO_sleepysmile
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Unless your kid's fundraiser is selling bottles of liquor, I want no part of it.

    • 902
    • FAVS
    LilbyrdyAna_VanWijkAuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnBurningInHDANightlyRainRunwayDancaptainjoe2822
    • 662
    • RETWEETS
    AuburnHBJay_FrickinLynncaptainjoe2822tequilasaltlifeSammie1701sabrinadavies1hyperblastchicvlowgoes
    Nicholey23danrgraberSultani_Sailsmrtruthandsoul
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Furniture that you purchase and have to assemble it, should be called, Divorce in a box

    • 1,050
    • FAVS
    LilbyrdyJay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifenerdygirlpcImTheSheriffnoduffersiGreenMonkStephy_flint
    • 486
    • RETWEETS
    smeeglretJay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifeitalqtBellaRene1369crunchenhancerRambleOn_RoseJVarsityCaptain
    squashguy15peachey_keenDeanB15PainInTheTwatNikiWithIssues
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    If you don't do character voices while you read your kids bedtime stories, you pretty much are an asshole.

    • 979
    • FAVS
    RuckJGBondageLandJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRainRunwayDanpcaputo43MonicaBlevins91BarryThornburgh
    • 488
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifeallknutjacksaroo715gabrielleutleyannabelleleigh_jesss_carrilloamycook1939
    FormerGrunt______carlyken
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    "Because I am a fucking Ninja" is not an acceptable way to explain the reasoning of your decisions at work. Or at least I was just told.

    • 881
    • FAVS
    BondageLandJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRainSocialChalleng1RunwayDantequilasaltlifeSammie1701MDandCompany4
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnRunwayDantequilasaltlifeMDandCompany4MagillicuttyMacjergarljoseejojojomaddie11_Anders
    Nicholey23Jazzzzzmina
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    My Mom's superpower is being able to turn what should be a 2 minute story into a 45 minute one.

    • 853
    • FAVS
    mdkennedy_valzhoganReedHawchubbyMaskaribostonaleksJohnnyfarmer6rickkondellVikeeysSecret
    • 404
    • RETWEETS
    nadooiobostonaleksrickkondellammar456VikeeysSecretJay_FrickinLynnRunwayDantequilasaltlife
    The_MartiniGirlSaraESpivey
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    An EpiPen, but for feelings.

    • 672
    • FAVS
    Jay_FrickinLynnANightlyRaintequilasaltlifeDallianceDemuredeegeemindiSunnySideUp1987jergarlhero_ofthenight
    • 409
    • RETWEETS
    missny53Jay_FrickinLynnpcaputo43tequilasaltlifedeegeemindiSunnySideUp1987jergarlPhoebetate
    Annoyinglyhappysuruhh
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Wife: So what is this Twitter I keep hearing about, are you on there?

    Me: They shut that site down a few weeks ago to disinterest.

    • 746
    • FAVS
    ANightlyRaintequilasaltlifeFarFromFunnyMissInLaceestrella_starlovebykilowattsserg_jacTTrueman
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    TailorLondonCheckBykeWithMetequilasaltlifeTheonlykonJurassicPattserg_jacTTruemanDadiAmmi
    MicheleAKALipsMyFairCharity
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Sometimes I look up from my phone while driving and think "Where the fuck am I ?"

    • 677
    • FAVS
    ANightlyRainRunwayDanJP247SCOOBYNaira_and_DreamHowBeOnThee_ChrisBrowntequilasaltlifeSammie1701
    • 379
    • RETWEETS
    tequilasaltlifeasianlizardSammie1701footlongcoxy79DallianceDemureOmarKhyamiamSunnySideUp1987jergarl
    Ms_Laser
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    I wrote the book on procrastination...

    Well it's not quite finished yet.

    • 640
    • FAVS
    ella__fraserANightlyRaintazologyRunwayDanSteveBeaumont42tscheckprincessThee_ChrisBrowntequilasaltlife
    • 360
    • RETWEETS
    B04t_Tr45htequilasaltlifeSchusterJaneterajouleMatt_The_1stkimmy2118LoriGallucciLuvPug
    OpenStephanie
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    "You rugged son of a bitch" - Me, after I open a jar of pickles.

    • 675
    • FAVS
    pokerphishmurphHuber138BurningInHDANightlyRainmcooper9122matt_travellingnoduffersDocRx8482
    • 274
    • RETWEETS
    BurningInHDMadiArmourBellaRene1369matt_travellingponce_lupeDocRx8482crunchenhancerjergarl
    enigmaticmessgidget_76veggierella______awomanwithwants
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Think about it.. Glow in the dark Oreos.
    For when they fall under the couch.

    • 619
    • FAVS
    ANightlyRainMagillicuttyMacDallianceDemureStevieRay0420SunnySideUp1987jergarlwhiskey_teacup_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 289
    • RETWEETS
    MagillicuttyMacSunnySideUp1987jergarl420hipchickinsd77StephanieG77Thatcap27brynne_guerriecrystal23_1
    ocourtneynoispypanda
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    I like visiting wifey while she is at work.

    She does not yell at me there.

    • 666
    • FAVS
    BurningInHDANightlyRainTolgadxbalanwdixChiiraJusatanoldguyDallianceDemuresamdave69
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    dndetiPumpAttendantsamdave69thulnicolleSunnySideUp1987inyourf65730907LipLush1Godhatespants
    roggyie
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    "You mad bro?"

    Not the best thing to bust out when having a serious argument with your spouse, apparently.

    • 533
    • FAVS
    ANightlyRainB1gBrainsMcGeeSunnySideUp1987_Ms_Moneypenny_LorieGZPhoebetateJayneymooBarW38
    • 240
    • RETWEETS
    SunnySideUp1987AlexisLummus14blaykieeHunnerGoMeowdeftoner83AGStr8upNinjaGodhatespantsMelissaJoy33
    IronWangUrbanP0et________
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Offend everyone. That way you are not singling out certain people.

    • 419
    • FAVS
    ANightlyRainSammie1701JessObsessjergarla_olivia4212maddie11_AndersLorieGZSunnySideUp1987
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    Sammie1701jergarlbendymommyasianlizardActually_JamalfablifeofclaireSunnySideUp1987AGStr8upNinja
    mynameshankHarbinger_oneJust_Lee_1DrinkingatWork
@tryped

@tryped

I space out a lot. Most of the time I forget where I am or what I am doing. IG: Tryped