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  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Me: I am sad, we don't have any cookie crumble for my ice cream.
    Wife: lots of things make me sad, like being married to a giant man baby

    • 1,760
    • FAVS
    Bounse44lonewulf87deathsquadbratmiss_saucytartKori_Okiedirkwiggler99loca_cat_ladyMrsMikePatton
    • 791
    • RETWEETS
    loca_cat_ladyRealJinjaNinjaJay_FrickinLynnBurningInHDThea_KylencinderellashadoOne_Classy_BumScdavis24________
    Nicholey23Midgetspar10InchesPluslaurascazroxyisradteacup_giraffe____numbertzenavesssavivalamoi448
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    If naps had a taste, I bet they'd be so delicious.

    • 1,441
    • FAVS
    Sam75283744lonewulf87miss_saucytartKMk4KicksKori_Okieloca_cat_ladyMrsMikePattonRealJinjaNinja
    • 1,063
    • RETWEETS
    Sam75283744favstar_historyKori_Okieloca_cat_ladyRealJinjaNinjaEastbayRNcbjwhite1977Jay_FrickinLynn
    Alyssa_JolieSandyPeterzNoorShammaNicholey23DBMaxPBarebakAssassinDawnAnonymous____
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    No DM in your bio?
    I'll DM you a recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies.
    I don't give a fuck

    • 1,608
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87DBwiddaDBmiss_saucytartloca_cat_ladyMischievousJamMrsMikePattonmdob11RealJinjaNinja
    • 708
    • RETWEETS
    DBwiddaDBLeafNation55RedskinFan_47MrsMikePattonRealJinjaNinjadavidpollock15Jay_FrickinLynnWhatevaConc
    _Ellsie_
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Pew pew pew *blows finger gun*

    Coworker: what are you doing?!

    Me: you are dead, why are you still talking to me?

    • 1,365
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_Okieloca_cat_ladyMrsMikePattonRealJinjaNinjadavidpollock15BondageLandAuburnHB
    • 788
    • RETWEETS
    loca_cat_ladyRealJinjaNinjaAuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnGiffRiccitequilasaltlifepaulyflipTwistedAndTorn
    naazihahArroiaINeed_AnAdultkyle_thatisallWhatsHerFace33NoorShammaocourtneynoAverageGriffinTheRealMelskee
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    73 new emails.

    *select all* *delete*

    Work is easy.

    • 1,254
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87DBwiddaDBRedztarMrsMikePattonAngrySardarnofairytale4uSignedMomRealJinjaNinja
    • 673
    • RETWEETS
    DBwiddaDBfavstar_historyMrsMikePattonRealJinjaNinjaAuburnHBJay_FrickinLynn2uesdaysgonekcmoore51
    MichaelLarrickbrowneyegirl9
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    I am Canadian! All we do is apologize.

    I am sorry for posting this.

    • 1,168
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_Okiemdob11RealJinjaNinjagibber72AuburnHBgabemakesmusicJay_FrickinLynn
    • 562
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaJay_FrickinLynnmachomitch3BurningInHDAdrianOzil11garthworldDaAwfultequilasaltlife
    WS_Panic__________SweetTweetsBRO_sleepysmile
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Unless your kid's fundraiser is selling bottles of liquor, I want no part of it.

    • 904
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87RealPrincessKimLilbyrdyxxanastasiaaaAuburnHBJay_FrickinLynnBurningInHDANightlyRain
    • 662
    • RETWEETS
    AuburnHBJay_FrickinLynncaptainjoe2822tequilasaltlifeSammie1701sabrinadavies1hyperblastchicvlowgoes
    Nicholey23danrgraberSultani_Sailsmrtruthandsoul
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Furniture that you purchase and have to assemble it, should be called, Divorce in a box

    • 1,053
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_Okiemdob11LilbyrdyJay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifenerdygirlpcImTheSheriff
    • 486
    • RETWEETS
    smeeglretJay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifeitalqtBellaRene1369crunchenhancerRambleOn_RoseJVarsityCaptain
    squashguy15peachey_keenDeanB15PainInTheTwatNikiWithIssues
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    If you don't do character voices while you read your kids bedtime stories, you pretty much are an asshole.

    • 983
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87SteelCityDawnjoanursulamdob11RuckJGBondageLandJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRain
    • 488
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifeallknutjacksaroo715gabrielleutleyannabelleleigh_jesss_carrilloamycook1939
    FormerGrunt______carlyken
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    "Because I am a fucking Ninja" is not an acceptable way to explain the reasoning of your decisions at work. Or at least I was just told.

    • 881
    • FAVS
    BondageLandJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRainSocialChalleng1RunwayDantequilasaltlifeSammie1701MDandCompany4
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnRunwayDantequilasaltlifeMDandCompany4MagillicuttyMacjergarljoseejojojomaddie11_Anders
    Nicholey23Jazzzzzmina
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    My Mom's superpower is being able to turn what should be a 2 minute story into a 45 minute one.

    • 858
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87jaskline2007GinRumMeKori_Okiemdob11mdkennedy_valzhoganReedHaw
    • 406
    • RETWEETS
    jaskline2007Kori_Okienadooiobostonaleksrickkondellammar456VikeeysSecretJay_FrickinLynn
    The_MartiniGirlSaraESpivey
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    An EpiPen, but for feelings.

    • 674
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_OkieJay_FrickinLynnANightlyRaintequilasaltlifeDallianceDemuredeegeemindiSunnySideUp1987
    • 409
    • RETWEETS
    missny53Jay_FrickinLynnphilism43tequilasaltlifedeegeemindiSunnySideUp1987jergarlPhoebetate__
    Annoyinglyhappysuruhh
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Wife: So what is this Twitter I keep hearing about, are you on there?

    Me: They shut that site down a few weeks ago to disinterest.

    • 750
    • FAVS
    noknownyethoneyviscouslonewulf87mdob11ANightlyRaintequilasaltlifeFarFromFunnyMissInLace____
    • 318
    • RETWEETS
    lonewulf87favstar_historyTailorLondonCheckBykeWithMetequilasaltlifeTheonlykonJurassicPattserg_jac
    MicheleAKALipsMyFairCharity__
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Sometimes I look up from my phone while driving and think "Where the fuck am I ?"

    • 679
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87mdob11ANightlyRainRunwayDanJP247SCOOBYNaira_and_DreamHowBeOnThee_ChrisBrown
    • 379
    • RETWEETS
    tequilasaltlifeasianlizardSammie1701footlongcoxy79DallianceDemureOmarKhyamiamSunnySideUp1987jergarl
    Ms_Laser
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    I wrote the book on procrastination...

    Well it's not quite finished yet.

    • 642
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_Okieella__fraserANightlyRaintazologyRunwayDanSteveBeaumont42tscheckprincess
    • 360
    • RETWEETS
    B04t_Tr45htequilasaltlifeSchusterJaneterajouleMatt_The_1stkimmy2118LoriLuvsShoesLuvPug
    stephcantsiu
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    "You rugged son of a bitch" - Me, after I open a jar of pickles.

    • 693
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87alexjurenmo_vitalunaruby_thursdayDSLikesItBurger_Time_Ohaiqtpiemichaelm_oore
    • 282
    • RETWEETS
    madilandzmichaelm_ooreAshKetchmmlilgapeach32RONBUTZJRGaytiveAmericanHockeyNH_12Jenny4ashley
    enigmaticmessgidget_76veggierella______abitchwithhips
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Think about it.. Glow in the dark Oreos.
    For when they fall under the couch.

    • 622
    • FAVS
    Traceykemp8lonewulf87Kori_OkieANightlyRainMagillicuttyMacDallianceDemureStevieRay0420SunnySideUp1987
    • 292
    • RETWEETS
    GeorgeHolmes47berryluvfavstar_historyMagillicuttyMacSunnySideUp1987jergarl420hipchickinsd77StephanieG77
    ocourtneynoispypanda
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    I like visiting wifey while she is at work.

    She does not yell at me there.

    • 671
    • FAVS
    noknownyetMiss_Firefly_lonewulf87Kori_Okiemdob11BurningInHDANightlyRainTolgadxb
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    lonewulf87favstar_historydndetiPumpAttendantsamdave69thulnicolleSunnySideUp1987inyourf65730907
    roggyie
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    "You mad bro?"

    Not the best thing to bust out when having a serious argument with your spouse, apparently.

    • 535
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_OkieANightlyRainB1gBrainsMcGeeSunnySideUp1987_Ms_Moneypenny_LorieGZPhoebetate__
    • 240
    • RETWEETS
    SunnySideUp1987AlexisLummus14____cuntortionisticHunnerGoMeowdeftoner83AGStr8upNinjaGodhatespantsMelissaJoy33
    IronWangUrbanP0et________
  • tryped
      Colin @tryped

    Offend everyone. That way you are not singling out certain people.

    • 425
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87Kori_OkieBigRetweetsBlackTastic_LFCReadyLetsPlayginger_xtcANightlyRainSammie1701
    • 323
    • RETWEETS
    BigRetweetsginger_xtcSammie1701jergarlbendymommyasianlizardActually_Jamalfablifeofclaire
    NE1C_JennHarbinger_oneJust_Lee_1DrinkingatWork
@tryped

@tryped

I space out a lot. Most of the time I forget where I am or what I am doing. IG - Tryped