This never gets old :()RT @mattbloomfilms: Sharks are much less scary with human teeth!... http://t.co/Ta27kY9K

Women don’t hate spiders - they are jealous of them because spiders can wear four pairs of shoes at once. #HT to @bbqjones28

RT @daria67: Directions to Mordor (This will make me smile all day!) http://t.co/DiDO5gkH @boromirdoesnot :))

@thelawns Rich, never ask you to do this, but I'm selling my house, and more people know the better. RT please?
http://t.co/0UsytqTg

@john_phillips92 @gammaatheist but wait, if we tax them, they'll just up and leave for a country that doesn't tax them.....wait a minute :)

As good an advert for #atheism as I've ever seen.... RT @iabadra: Another reason why I don't go to church... #Atheism pic.twitter.com/bZzeGidS

Predator! RT @robbiesmit8: If there were extra marks for facial expressions then this has to be a Medal #diving ..... http://t.co/ISUlHvJU

On the basis that if you've nothing to say, say nothing, next time I've nothing to wear, I'm probably gonna get arrested!

@nerdamage @alisha__lee you need 2 - one on your own avi in case the other one falls off

My wife and I got thru 50 years of marriage with a shared love of certain puzzles. Never a cross word. #punsr

Munchkin: incestuous cannibals #ued #punsr #ht to @i_theindian

@shittingtonuk @darrenelmore I don’t get out of bed for less than a million spiders!

Interviewer: so, Arsene, how did you end up with your dick hanging out?
Wenger: I did not see it! http://t.co/jDhTnV37

@welsh30s @surreybhoy @etonoldboys if it should be repaid, it should be repaid. Major said at time he would repay it if Nadir convicted….

A nice wee funny to get started on a Saturday :) from my mate Gerry Robertson http://t.co/nLN9ncAC

@bitchymctits you never count your favstars when your tweeting at the tablet, there'll be time enough for counting, when the tweetings done!

#Scottishfilms A No Whit Ye Did Last Summer Ya Bass

@ananyah oh yes, here's a pic that @monehgersxx found, in Greenock http://t.co/H3J01f31

#ff @jenlovesandy @jackeemadden @greeneyedlad @jaykay1000 @hipyeti @hwiggins82 @djmartinco @gmmlsknny @yo_yo_knickers @smiarmstrong

Stuck on M62. Pain in the arse but just cheered up by guy getting out of his car and shouting at the traffic jam :()