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  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    stupid goldfish. he just used his little jedi mind trick & made me feed him without even knowing. & i really wanted that cheeseburger, too

    • 133
    • FAVS
    metalpantsJimboleemdru0887loafbroBarDogDaveshishiwakamakuTHEDUTHCHESSPortRooster__
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    metalpantsJimboleemloafbroPeaceInTruth1ShaiLilDevilZac4RTshkeeberwashere__Magoosback
    Carmel_ColemanBulldog0613
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    debating whether I should put half a tank of gas in the car or buy Favstar's Bonus Features

    • 118
    • FAVS
    JimboleemsalazarsboxingBarDogDaveshishiwakamakuTroyWidner________BenjyHimmelKizerBillhelmBeerhaze
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    salazarsboxingBarDogDaveShaiLilDevilshkeeberwashere__Eagle_VisionBulldog0613My_Ego_Alteredteddywah
    schaeffyquake
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Is there an eloquent way of listing yourself as an "amateur favstar tweeter who couldnt get retweeted to save his ass" on your resume?

    • 86
    • FAVS
    JimboleemsalazarsboxingBarDogDave9DaysOldshkeeberwashere__MagoosbackDanKCharnleyBlotterMonkey
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    salazarsboxingBarDogDavetgizakBulldog0613colnickfury______GiddythefuckupEric_Bader________ExploringUrMind__
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Ok have fun surfing The Twitter!


    - Mom trying too hard.

    • 74
    • FAVS
    JimboleemWhoopdeedoo22BeerhazeEagle_VisionDanKCharnleyBlotterMonkeyBulldog0613ryaninco__
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    stresswreckordsGiddythefuckupMossparkBCZeyductionEric_Bader________shkeeberwashere__poetrypersuazhnFavstar500Favs
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Nothing kills the mood faster than a bisexual goldfish staring at u from across the room while ur trying to rub one out.

    • 75
    • FAVS
    JimboleemsalazarsboxingloafbroBarDogDaveshishiwakamakuBeamishBoiTDeeRocksteveeury
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    salazarsboxingloafbro_meg_jsteveeuryshkeeberwashere__RidiculousJimmyFavstar_NSFWBlackGodSon______
    stephvelander
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    my cat thinks I can't see her throwing gang signs at the birds outside the window

    • 52
    • FAVS
    MagoosbackCelebrityChezMy_Ego_AlteredDanKCharnleyryaninco__colnickfury______GiddythefuckupGundawindi
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    MagoosbackMy_Ego_AlteredFavstar500Favscolnickfury______davekunz8787wicce_podgestephvelanderbowa_dmb
    My_Ego_Altered
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    For Halloween I'm putting my house on the sex offender registry list of homes. Keep those lil shits away!

    • 56
    • FAVS
    Jimboleemshishiwakamakushkeeberwashere__DanKCharnleyBulldog0613AustinJankowiakcolnickfury______Giddythefuckup
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    JimboleemFavstar_NSFWcratescienzPippersheenstephvelanderAglaea_bucmachineDarlindartx
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    My 100% off coupon by staying home trumps any craft store's 51% off coupon. Suck it, craft stores!

    • 55
    • FAVS
    JimboleemDanKCharnleyryaninco__colnickfury______KariBKari13Giddythefuckupstephvelanderteddywah
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    KariBKari13Favstar500FavsstephvelanderGuitarmacistChefBoredRTs
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    I sure hope someone at work tomorrow will be glad it's Friday.

    • 47
    • FAVS
    JimboleemDanKCharnleycolnickfury______Giddythefuckupteddywahlakeanagirlgirl_in_my_boxmazizkhalifa
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Kritzwitroadkill3xNewDaddyGiftsPORNOPINION
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    That stuff gets everywhere!

    - prostitute at the corner flossing her teeth.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    JimboleemshishiwakamakuDanKCharnleyGiddythefuckupstephvelanderteddywahgot_heeemcolnickfury______
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    stephvelandercolnickfury______Eric_Bader________SpiderogerSaraESpiveylife_sucker
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    5 days since I put up this bird feeder & no birds. Gonna put up a "FREE BIRD SEED" sign & hope The RoadRunner doesn't show up & eat it all!

    • 35
    • FAVS
    JimboleemDanKCharnleyBulldog0613colnickfury______GiddythefuckupteddywahHarryOrganEric_Bader________
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Eric_Bader________ameo02DudeImShawnTattooedMiseryPeaceInTruth1
    DudeImShawn
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    I think this weekend I'm going to the Comic Con and setting up a booth as a "Non-Virgin." Autographs and speeches will surely ensue.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    JimboleemBarDogDaveshishiwakamakuDanKCharnleycolnickfury______Giddythefuckupteddywahmazizkhalifa
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    TheBigBatman______SpiderogerEric_Bader________
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Saw this Asian daddy at the gym, and much to my surprise, his privates weren't all pixelated or blurred when he got naked!

    • 34
    • FAVS
    JimboleemBarDogDaveshishiwakamakuMy_Ego_Alteredcolnickfury______Giddythefuckupmazizkhalifazachheltzel
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    colnickfury______SpiderogerCruelMeiga
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Wisdom Tweet:
    3 people having sex = threesome.
    2 people having sex = twosome.
    Now I know why they call me handsome.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    JimboleemBarDogDaveshishiwakamakuMagoosbackMy_Ego_AlterederikvalenzoSuparbad__________TheTweetingZed
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    BarDogDavedragonbloodUponaRocc_Zikazekysvil3ac1265janettejailedmazizkhalifa
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    My preachy neighbor upstairs said I forget the true meaning of Christmas. So, for the holidays I'm nailing her to a pine tree with lights.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    Jimboleemcolnickfury______GiddythefuckupmazizkhalifazachheltzelVerifiedDrunkiAmJuddyfuzziestnads
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    colnickfury______SpiderogerMccoySunshineIdStandOnThatLactatinLithium__RogueGod
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Got an unsweetened iced tea from McDonalds & now I'm questioning the meaning of MY life.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    JimboleemMy_Ego_AlteredBulldog0613colnickfury______GiddythefuckupmazizkhalifazachheltzelBlackGodSon______
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    BlackGodSon______jaagermistressBernaVig__________ryaninco__
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    There's the people who hate Mondays, and the people who make other people hate Mondays. I'm surrounded by the 2nd half of that group.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    JimboleemMy_Ego_AlteredGiddythefuckuplakeanagirlmazizkhalifazachheltzelawescarVerifiedDrunk
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    My_Ego_Altered
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Oh yay. Best Buy's offering free shipping if you pick it up at the store.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    JimboleemBarDogDaveMagoosbackBulldog0613colnickfury______KariBKari13mazizkhalifazachheltzel
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyTattooedMiseryPeaceInTruth1
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    Never seen anyone I could call "powerful gay" till I saw the guy selling me Skittles at the theater.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    JimboleemshishiwakamakuMy_Ego_AlteredGiddythefuckupmazizkhalifazachheltzelBlackGodSon______9DaysOld
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    BlackGodSon______RogueGod
  • tuffhawl
      TuffHawl @tuffhawl

    The apartment is friggin cold! How long before I can declare my balls legally missing?

    • 28
    • FAVS
    JimboleemMagoosbackMy_Ego_AlteredGiddythefuckupmazizkhalifazachheltzelVerifiedDrunkMuath_tu__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Spideroger
@tuffhawl

@tuffhawl

Redneck Mexican. Elbow fetish porn soundtrack composer. Solosexual virgin sex-addict guy.