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Whenever hubz pisses me off, I leave the dildo's in an upright position in our hiding place so he knows I've been using them without him.
Never get drunk ladies, because then you can never answer the questions men always have.
Taking your dick out and expecting me to suck it is right on the money. The money I'm going to use to shop with afterwards.
I'm assuming people with foot fetishes buy those sandals that strangle the big toes.
It's not my fault filters make me look amazing.
If you want to know how much of a fuck up you are, carry on talking to me.
Freak my creep.
It's amazing how much bigger a dick becomes while being shoved down your throat.
I'm so hungry I need to eat alone.
If you're dumb enough to fall down a ramp, you deserve to be in a wheelchair.
You're gross unless I love you.
Throwing away leftover bacon is the true meaning of cunt, right guys?
Settle down people yawning with your mouths closed, settle the fuck down.
I don't know if there were lights and a camera last night but there was definitely some action in my bedroom.
Always remember that blow jobs are accepting the very essence of a man.
You're somebody that I'd like to disappoint.
The trick to going bald early is to just be a tall man.
I'm not batshit crazy the entire month.
I'd fuck you but I'd never have your babies.
I'm horny enough to not have a safe word.