If you "don't do drama" yet are always IN the drama, no need to tell us. We already know you "do" the drama.

@evilpandax if you are looking for a woman that doesn't know what daft means, she's right here

I need sweet kisses and rough sex. Or vice versa. Both. All four.

@roadkill3x hell yes!!!!!

I have been eating right for a week now and GAINED two pounds. Who is in charge of this bullshit????

My daughter killed her first deer this morning. I have officially lost the redneck battle.

Everyone's got at least one boyfriend from their past that claims you gave him herpes, right? RIGHT??

I had $50 on Auburn to win that LSU A&M game. How much do I get???

Because...5th grade humor

Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Why?
Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Not Sally.

If your twitter name references how big your dick is, it's probably not.

I guess when your mascot is a chicken, you need something manly about your uniforms.

Everyone gets their parenting style from their parents.

Unfortunately, sometimes the lesson is what NOT to do.

So far, my favorite part of The Hunger Games is Lenny Kravitz.

A loyal dog: If I am asleep, she is asleep. If I am awake, she is asleep near wherever I am awake.

The painter just walked in and told me he was here to spray my drawers.

You have your mother's tits.

NOT a good pickup line, fellas

My advice to women:
Men are easy to snare with your body. When you find one that cares about your life, fuck his brains out...he's a keeper.

The one who cares the least has all the power in the relationship.

The goal of every airline is to make my connecting gate as far as fucking possible from where I land.

Him: Where is the restroom?
Me: I've eaten at this restaurant in FL so let me tell you where the restroom is in Chicago.

I'm pleasant