Cyber masturbation: sending an email you shouldn't have and realising you just fucked yourself!

A friend of mine said,"Onions are the only Food that makes you cry". That was before I hit him in the face with a Watermelon.

@garethcliff says we should just eat the vegans. Brilliant! They don't even have artificial hormones and stuff in them! Yum!

Burry Stander wasn't knocked over and killed by a 'vehicle'. He was killed by a TAXI! They are death on wheels!

I suspect that someone stole my big break in life.

2 things. 1: I accidently ran over your cat. 2: It wasn't an accident. #eatme

If u typ lke dis, u r a fkn IDIOT!

@_vaginasaurus Here you go! http://lockerz.com/s/115337722

I HATE when people don't put info under their Bio and Location! I want to know if you are a rabid fuck knuckle and where I must avoid you!

People. Calm the fuck down. Oscar got bail. He wasn't acquitted. Still needs to stand trial. Let's not show our stupid....

I'm tired, my head hurts, I'm broke and I had to get up at 3am. So fuck off.

If you protect your tweets, I can't retweet them. And that makes me feel like you don't want to share. I might cry. Maybe not.

What the fuck England?! Control your hooligans! You are making Canada look good!

I am in the mood to do fuck all and now I'm stuck at work. Where I do fuck all. Oh, wait.....

We all walk with a sadness stuck in our hearts because our respect for life has vanished along with our morals and our consciousness.

Brilliant!  http://lockerz.com/s/274939955 

Holy fucking shit! Some of you are so demented!

Mr & Mr Smith. Two gay spies, nearly killing each other with handbags. #removeOneLetterFilms

Fuck me running! I just #FF'ed myself! I'm such a spaz!

If I fav more tweets, will I go to heaven? No? Well then fuck you all!