java is like a spider

you’re content letting it sit around the house, eating bugs all day

and then it murders you when you’re asleep

Q: What do you call a KFC on fire?
A: A COLONEL PANIC!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Google's product lifecycle: Invite-only beta, friend-invite beta, open beta, shutdown.

I feel like @vbernero won that debate. His aggressiveness and passion was really nice to see.

Never play Cards Against Humanity with your family. It will be awkward, and it probably won’t be your fault.

iTunes is now Mac OS X.

Of course "Your Love Is My Drug", Ke$ha. You're a crack addict. Everything's a drug to you.

New Kickstarter campaign: Google Glass. Pledge $1500 and receive a Google Glass prototype in 2013!

Is an airbender what results from one getting drunk at an oxygen bar?

"Top Gun is not available to watch instantly."

COME ON NETFLIX I WANNA GO TO FIGHTERTOWN USA

The ultimate extreme Merry-Go-Round has proved to be too much for @codykrieger

I ran over my iPhone 5 with my car, in an unfortunate incident…this is the aftermath. Everything still works perfectly. pic.twitter.com/tAQ927cJ

@dbartley91 that was me

My tauntaun is going to freeze before I get to the first marker. I will see myself in hell.

Oh man, 5000th tweet.

What's my gift to you for my 5000th tweet? Only this: http://t.co/LfCUM6fY and this http://t.co/QDZkTUiN

Only in MathXL does 13.75863365 round to 13.7587 and not 13.7586.

I cannot even begin to describe how much hatred I have for this software.

@prototypecube i'm just saying you're obviously working on your internet comedy skills and going nowhere with it

@hilary_louise Absolutely necessary.

Some LinkedIn passwords were leaked; they did not salt their hashes. Good job! http://t.co/bGYwLdSB

Oh, Ron Paul. Don't you know that the reason you won't win is because you are unelectable? Dude is a nutcase.