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In regards to looks, the elephant animal cracker REALLY got screwed over.
Can't wait to graduate and get a job so I can finally afford the bonus features on favstar.
IT'S NOT FAIR!!! When guys lose weight, their penises grow. Why does our boobs have to shrink!?!
Creepy old lady just gave me the mean stare-down as she slowly drove by. So naturally, I flashed her.
Officially a college graduate! & got my mother fuckin hipflask!!! Whooooooo!
Some guy forgot his iPad. There was an app to track what I'm assuming is his wife's or girlfriend's period. Smart man.
Since I already know I'm going to hell, I just hope the Devil opens his arms proudly.
I'm tired of cutting children's food. Fisher Price needs to hurry up and get on "baby's first steak-knife."
I think Barney has been the only show with a token deaf kid. What a trailblazer.
Is unopened, bootlegged, expired pedialyte from 3yrs ago usable? Asking for a sick child or a hungover person- whoever gets a faster answer
Which is more more of a compliment, referring to someone as an "asshole" or a "mother fucker?"
Even I don't understand half the shit I say...
I wish convos in real-life could be limited to 140 characters- then we could fish out the bullshit & get to the damn point faster!
Nothing's worse than waiting for someone to show up with the food.
College grad. Nerd. Dallas Cowboys. Boobs. Humor is a must.
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