Popular Recent Faved By Given
Friends: 219
Followers: 222
Favs Given: 4,883
Favs Rec'd: 2,060
@twilarity's (GWhaon) most faved Tweets...
twilarity
A trip to Walmart. Always providing that glimpse into humanity I never knew I didn't want.
@twilarity
twilarity
If I were any more pathetic, I'd be drinking alone, constantly refreshing Twitter.
*nervous laugh*
@twilarity
twilarity
Whomever decided the button fly was superior to the zipper was obviously a woman who had never downed 5 beers at happy hour. #omgfacts
@twilarity
twilarity
I love it when people think that @Favstar is down when in reality they're just not funny. And by people I mean me.
@twilarity
twilarity
Twitter gets pretty quiet late at night; interactions slowing to a trickle. Of course with as few followers as I have it's 1AM all day long.
@twilarity
twilarity
MEMOIR NOTES

01/14/10- Found first grey pubic hair. Also: first time sobbing in a public bathroom stall.
@twilarity
twilarity
I've reached that age in which when I catch a lady looking at me, rather than feeling quite alpha, I wonder what I have stuck in my beard.
@twilarity
twilarity
Avatar was AWESOME! Especially the part where I had 3 drinks right before it started & had to pee after 35min. Yes, yes it was 160min long,
@twilarity
twilarity
That "Hoarders" program flashes more junk than a Ron Jeremy film festival.
@twilarity
twilarity
I think Fidelity Investments should use Tiger Woods as its spokesperson just for the bitter irony.
@twilarity
twilarity
Come on, admit it. Who else puts their foreign spare change in the hobo's cup after returning from overseas?
@twilarity
twilarity
As a child, I was scared that the Boogie Man was gonna get me.

Gloria Estefan's kids had that same irrational fear for The Rhythm.
@twilarity
twilarity
What kind of idiot organizes a gawddamn scientific conference session during the Super Bowl??


I'll give you a hint: A Canadian.
@twilarity
twilarity
Just tried to "Like" someone's glasses as they walked by...


DAMN YOU SOCIAL MEDIA!! STOP FUCKING WITH MY MIND!!
@twilarity
twilarity
Dan Dierdorf just said "WOW, what a snatch!!!" on national TV. These are the moments the Chinese people are deprived of by their government.
@twilarity
twilarity
Is there anything so expensively hideous AND hideously expensive as a pair of UGGs? Anyone??


Okay, besides Tori Spelling.
@twilarity
16
paul_shinnmonikkabSilkPillowLaceyMarkAdInsanitumTheUnsayableamoirBillMc7amuirinBombmom1dropdeadchrisSoniaDiamondhas2b_christyvSlappNuttzHindSight5050SnarkToast
twilarity
I learned that some butterflies mate for 12-48 hours and that I wouldn't make a very good butterfly.
@twilarity
16
_CalebKmannyteeegneiccotrixiebootsjustinjewellAdInsanitumHisTigerLilyamuirinhyselldropdeadchrisSoniaDiamondRyan_DuncanSlappNuttznorthpacificHindSight5050redtothetone
twilarity
A penny saved isn't a penny earned until after 8yrs, assuming an 8% return, compounded monthly. Those fuckers withheld critical information.
@twilarity
15
CroweJamBettyLiesDoanDoDatStillDrewTheBoshaAdInsanitumWadetoBlackThe_TakegneiccobehindyourbackjtaliahysellwaxxingqueennoahWGredtothetone
twilarity
My balls just retreated deep into my body cavity. Either it's colder out than when I left this morning, or Donatella Versace just walked by.
@twilarity
15
linajkTheBoshamannyteeeFussySaffacapricecraneCroweJamoeninblueyesbrunetunsinkablejaxBeauBockamoiramuirinSoniaDiamondSlappNuttzCaveMaster5000
twilarity
Looks like I have a crack in my bathtub.

Time to rock out with my caulk out.
@twilarity
15
goldengateblondtammyphinneyoeninTrick_or_tweetCroweJamgneiccomannyteeebedheadblondeBeauBockhysellamoiramuirindropdeadchrisSlappNuttzHindSight5050
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