NBC provokes hair-trigger eyerolls these days.

Today I learned: the minimum wage in Bangladesh is $37 a month. Also: drinking red wine out of a shot glass makes me feel cool.

Today is the day Fox News describes as the tip of the spear in the War on Dads.

Watch @steelyken unload a mouthful of sentences about selling Florida to China. @chinabuysfl #OCCUPATION

@louiseschwarz1 Yes.

@seancrespo Also received a small release in 1989.

@conanobrien They've hired JJ Abrams to reboot their crazy.

It's @kawarne's birthday today so definitely follow her. Then go see her do stand-up. Who knows where you two could end up?

"Do you offer a replacement plan? In case my son accidentally kills my other son?" #QuestionsForKeystone

Here's the phone number for Keystone Firearms, the manufacture of Crickett Children's Rifles 1800 742 0455. Give 'em a call and then RT.

Own a death machine and store it improperly and it kills someone, it's not an accident. You're a murderer. Death machine worked just fine.

@slate @reddit related: who's that guy with Kevin Spacey?

Buying non-discount tickets to all the Tony-nominated shows this year would have set you back more than $3000.

So the press release for my upcoming play got more than 300 FB likes. Really encouraging. Thanks, everybody.  http://broadwayworld.com/article/James-Chen-to-Lead-Project-Theaters-OCCUPATION-Begin-66-20130424 … #newplay

@miahsaint Christa McAuliffe appreciates your sacrifice.

Tim Tebow to be released by the Jets into a NYC where temp work is pretty tough to come by.

It's nice that the expression "C*nt Punt" came into my life the same week Zach Braff returned. #CuntPuntZachBraff

George Bush and Zac Braff both take the stage to point out that if time had just stopped in 2004, things would have been fine. @miahsaint

90 seconds into Rod Stewart's cover of Pinball Wizard and I'm comfortable saying it's a rock'n'roll war crime.

@rebeccakopec @auditionupdate Thank you for this. I must know clean up my brains from my couch.