Bon Jovi's daughter is in the hospital for a heroin overdose. Her status has gone from Critical Condition to Livin' On a Prayer

I like how they cut down trees in the rainforests to make books then you buy them on Amazon

Maple Leafs are auctioning off a toilet expected to go for over $60,000 which makes sense since it comes with their last 8 seasons in it

Seeing a bitter enemy pulled over by the cops and getting to smile at them like a shithead is a satisfaction best enjoyed in a small town

How come rape jokes get more press than actual rapes

Girls on facebook, if I wanted to see you pregnant, I would have stuck around

Sometimes people make jokes about stuff you might get offended by. Too fucking bad. Comedians need to stop apologizing for making jokes

My dentist told me to quit chewing tobacco. I was like "Work around it."

I wonder if Hellraiser is on Pinterest? Great joke people, great joke

Banning Ke$ha's song is almost as embarrassing as admitting you play Ke$ha on your radio station

If the world ends tomorrow Justin Beiber wins

Just saw a chick riding a bicycle and having a smoke take that Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod #BodyBreak

Whenever I wake up without a hangover I feel like I've just lost a really good friend

What is a tramp stamp for guys, getting a tattoo on your knuckles?

House fire in Coldwater , something tells me it was started by irony

Apparently im up against Myles Morrison for Best Morrison at The Canadian Comedy Awards. The Category is up for Best New Category

"Back Peddling: The Lance Armstrong Story" is on Oprah.

Haven't had a drop of alcohol in 6 days. So this is what it feels like to be a loser.

I rarely wear underwear now refer to myself as Cobra Commando

Ray Liotta is underrated, guy is the best