@unanything's (Dega) most faved Tweets...
I'm starting to think that life isn't worth living anymore and...
Oh wait, there's the bartender now. Nevermind, everything's cool.
Oh wait, there's the bartender now. Nevermind, everything's cool.
The best part of being kissed under the mistletoe is this new belt buckle I just made out of mistletoe.
I was going to start a Twitter page called shitmygirlfriendsays but then I realized I would have to start paying attention when she talks.
The best part of my girlfriend making me stop drinking for a month is how much more clearly I'm able to think up reasons to break up w/ her.
OF COURSE all this shit goes down on the day I get my first ever 50 star tweet. Way to steal my thunder, motherfuckers.
I think tonight I'm gonna take my girlfriend, blindfold her, tie her down to the bed and very... VERY gently leave and go to the bar.
ProTip: when your girlfriend is drunk enough to do anything you've ever wanted, she's also drunk enough to freak the fuck out over anything.
My girlfriend was eating eggs and watching lesbian porn and said to me, "Look! I'm eating chicks while watching chicks eating chicks!"
Good morning everybody! I'm super excited that today is gonna be great! Just kidding. Go fuck yourself.
Taco Bell really missed out on comedy gold when they didn't make their new black taco bigger than the other tacos.
In retrospect I should have told her she has a "patience" problem instead of saying she had a "wait" problem.
If my girlfriend cheats on me, I might let it slide. But if she keeps trying to make me to watch that Twilight movie we're SO fucking over.
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