Blow, blow, blow your load
Gently in her poon.
I hope
She's on
The pill
Or you'll
Be at
The clinic
Soooooon.

EVERYONE!

Confirmed: preggos.

Getting drunk.

I was 25 before I realized that almond butter wasn't a term for gucky balls on a hot day.

William marrying Kate to get closer to Pippa has a certain Tudors feel, right? Now that's something I'd watch.

All you assholes are being paid by pig farmers and vibrator manufacturers, aren't you?

The invention of yoga pants has reenergized my boner pants.

The fact that country music needs the word "music" in its name to try to define what it is tells me a lot about the genre.

I just won the lottery! Gonna let it ride.

Hey yummy mummies, I wanna look at you all day long.

Did that sound creepy?
Good.

Woke up with a dick in my hands.
It was mine, so nothing weird happened while I was unconscious. Little disappointed.

I'm pretty sure I'll be rockin a semi for a few hours at least.
You guys wanna call a no pants day? Cause I'm in.

The lord works in mysterious ways.

AKA: I can't explain anything so I'll defer to an imaginary invisible man who can't communicate with me.

Remember: only fembots have perfectly symmetrical boobs.

I just shoved 2 cookies in my mouth, waved my ass in the dog's face, and ripped a fart.
LIKE A BOSS.

Today my goal is to keep abreast of things. Hehehe.

There just aren't enough hours in the day to masterbate AND read my whole TL.

Has anybody seen my kids?

Happy MDay everybody.
Ladies, thanks for putting out.

Underboob is the best kind of under.

Monopoly would be exactly like real life if you had to whore for 30 years before getting that $1500 you start with.

Been away for a while trying to win RL.

So now I'm back.