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Forgot the groceries in my car for almost four hours. Still wouldn't have remembered except the yogurt crawled out by itself.
If you laid all of Earth's equators end to end, they would circle the globe once.
As a general rule, whenever your mouse arrow turns to a hand pointer icon, search for the nearest nostril on the screen and just go for it.
Hot cross nuns
Got an e-mail from Frank Miller! He wants to loan me a bunch of money! Maybe it's not the same one.
My stories reveal themselves to me slowly as they do to you. Only I get the pieces in a different order than you do.
What's the difference between vanilla and French vanilla? I'm thinking, with French vanilla you use your tongue more.
New Mango at midnight, my friends. Hold that thought in your minds. Savor it. New Mango at midnight . . .
As no one else has seen fit to do it in too long a time, in unexpected moments I've taken to squeezing my own ass.
I made Mango! Beware the Hairy Mango Episode 142! Out Drinking Water with the Boys! http://bewarethehairymango.com/episode-142-out-drinking-water-with-the-boys/ …
Looking for the perfect pre-bedtime hydration level, one which which will prevent both 3am dry throat and night-clawing pee-pee.
No one ever has famous first words.
Most of the people who are trying to scare you are actually after your money.