@urkillingme's (you are killing me) most faved Tweets...
Life is odd. I would prefer to let my Twitter friends know me in real life than let my real friends know me in twitter life.
When MY mom told me about sex, she left out: it feels good, it's fun, and do a lot of guys before marriage. I'll do better with my girl.
8 yr-old grl: that plane crash... Did they all die?
Hubs: yes, they all died.
Grl: ...
...
...
Grl: I guess there a lot of houses for sale.
Hubs: yes, they all died.
Grl: ...
...
...
Grl: I guess there a lot of houses for sale.
I'm magical. I cooked little, barely cleaned up, and scored a big pile of leftovers. Wait, is this what it feels like to be a man?
I'm so fucking perplexed as to why the laundry is not done. I was tweeting about it at 9 am. That should count for something.
You won't believe the nightmare I just had! I was 40, had two kids, was pregnant, there was 30" of snow outside plus 20" forecast!
Wait.
Wait.
Awesome! I found a fathers day card that doesn't say all that gushy stuff about how great a dad you are. No need to lie to the asshole.
Both kids ready to go and waiting ten minutes ahead of schedule.
Fate, I await your evil and tortuous payback later in the day.
Fate, I await your evil and tortuous payback later in the day.
Damn. I'm picking up stuff I really need at the grocery store and forgot my list. I only remember "emergency chocolate."
Sometimes a star means Ha ha you made a funny tweet. Sometimes it means Hey, hang in there honey. Other times it is just a pity star.
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