#GhettoRamenNoodleFlavors Any of them. They're goddamn ramen noodles.

Costa Rica: Hey we had to play in the snow and-
FIFA: No.
Costa Rica: But, you see, we-
FIFA: No.

In front of goal, Fernando Torres has the mental composure of a 14-year-old girl at a Bieber concert.

Washington crossing the Delaware. The Emancipation Proclamation. The Moon Landing. Winning in the Azteca.

USA-Mexico games are like my Christmas, except with the possibility my new puppy might be shot in the head in front of me.

Love watching the annual La Liga awards.

Alan Smith has played for Leeds, Man United, and MK Dons. It's as though he doesn't want to be liked.

All those Germans, and you have the Dutch guy take a penalty?

For every RT/Fave this gets, I will donate a dollar to my alcohol fund.

Michael Phelps (population 1) has as many medals all-time as India (population 1,210,000,000).

About to use Internet Explorer for its most vital function: downloading a different browser.

Today is definitive proof that Fernando Torres would tear it up in the Superligaen.

The last person to beat Scotland like Landon Donovan did was Edward III.

Any nation that would cap Emile Heskey 62 times and Matthew Le Tissier 8 doesn't deserve to win a World Cup.

ESPN will be doing a halftime report on the history of both clubs. Or rather, Arsenal's history, seeing as Chelsea have none.

@jeremyclarkson We would trample you into the dust.

MLS has the 16th highest average attendance of any domestic sports league in the world. In any sport.

The difference between Philadelphia Union and Chelsea FC? Our Torres has scored.

I'm happier than a 14 year old who just discovered masturbation. Well done, Arsenal.

If you turn the sound off, ESPN's halftime show is a buddy cop movie where @alexilalas and Ale Moreno are interrogating Kasey Keller.