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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Upcoming Jason Statham Movies:
    - The Crime Job
    - The Guy Fighter
    - The Car Driver
    - Fist & Chips
    - Snog
    - Plunk
    - Cockney & Racy

    • 1,191
    • FAVS
    Theaterbeedeceptaclegabriel_jakesdirkzarkisJustLoganMoodyBeardedManFacedjajallahiitskendra
    • 782
    • RETWEETS
    D___AllenVALMONTedKendragardenVenusRockHobbit__6PackOfTriangleScubaSteve1219smashingpalmerSneidiTee
    brzandt
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Me & my bros like to call appetizers:
    Apps
    Appies
    Appeteazers
    Appuccinos
    Ap Pacinos
    Judd Apatowzers
    Appy Fillmores
    Feminine Appkins

    • 1,142
    • FAVS
    CosmicCaliGirlShan_McLaughlinT0m4to_T0m4htoPetterBreiAidanMcConnell1Buyani_NEmiIyOrrVinceBattista
    • 680
    • RETWEETS
    CosmicCaliGirlT0m4to_T0m4htoColdFriesBMart25segsandrekurbstomperiRain7PurringGirl
    Home_HalfwaySCbchbum
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Hi, I’m your waiter Jeff, let me tell you about The Specials. The Specials are an English 2 Tone ska revival band from Coventry, England…

    • 1,103
    • FAVS
    Theaterbeechuckt808BDGarpPoguePhilosophyericwimberlyDollarSignTexasyulischeidtedg_rpaz
    • 667
    • RETWEETS
    PoguePhilosophycorpse_in_tvFooseSBLyn__SanitytriscerableMoshdesignerJoeyxParmentercalb94
    hipchkkHome_Halfwaykamiekaymee__IGotsSmartsvladchocBlitznBeans
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he’s wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert”.

    • 1,022
    • FAVS
    barelyesotericlukeonlifeIanWearsPantsMarkBeharmillardkidBrennaHampshirebrannontatek_willms
    • 694
    • RETWEETS
    NateTheGreat68victorylane79brx0nsfinchImALegendKillerNedRampageShanehasabeardDaniel_Ngugi
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Anyone recommend a good book to sit on my nightstand untouched for 3 years collecting dust while I mindlessly stare into this stupid screen?

    • 737
    • FAVS
    Notmuchappeninghadooplearningszanderocrgmckdozibillmcrealsteveeboyjenny_klug
    • 439
    • RETWEETS
    AllyShawcokesyagainJoGrayBosscwenselthomasrysgaardmondolaringervexroidcoxwal
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Let me know if any of your dogs have learned how to talk because I've written 6 pretty good rap songs from the perspective of a rapping dog.

    • 694
    • FAVS
    PoguePhilosophyCoookies94Rasalghninjamoose101bhartley196grux_kabanranndiwilsoneborg01
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    marlboro_meganCoookies94eborg01episkeywolfnicolegevorkyanbones_mckinneycourtneyrh_marissadawn8
    IGotsSmarts
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    "Um, here's a crazy idea, how about finishing the wall mural in the baby's room?" - Banksy's wife

    • 492
    • FAVS
    AnemoneOhSwingersonianCalmTombPoguePhilosophythatsembarrisonmum333rdCHRIStafariRItrumpetcake
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    PoguePhilosophykool_eggnilrodCityWAGchloxaohmeggie_reedLetdownLizziedanwaites
    Kendragarden
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    CBS has 3 different NCIS shows on its fall schedule because people are fed up with the rampant naval crimes in our country and want answers!

    • 422
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkdivinesolace40CareyTim6hello_saylortrentbabbington
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    waggleothekiltluapulagerardsmithVince4Azrockdodger8clubadubdubThomBozworthTiffany_Douglas
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    *uses falconry glove to take tray of bagel bites out of oven*

    • 462
    • FAVS
    bmelopimentelthisismydesignnBigWiggly_StyleWKirkMarshallLouisasaurusRexN0tSebastianBrainDentistladyofthefire
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    cupofaveragejoebasementpeoplexthestephaniejoySTEWIEyourqueen_Moon_Emperor_raaecharlescrank__hearteckbleck
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Just yelled out "Is it Friday yet?" Coworkers hoisted my chair in the air, paraded me around the office, crowned me new DIRECTOR OF LAUGHS!

    • 432
    • FAVS
    HallowedCrowVenusRockHobbit__MotionToStrikehipchkkCFremedAdeptLegacySmirk_du_Soleilhughdxncy
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__bryanoconnelldunnfgMcClaireymauralangCarterBlackburnthecrabbyhookFlaaaaalala
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When Facebook friends post about their kids’ sports victories, I always comment “He cheated. I was there. Very disappointed in your family.”

    • 336
    • FAVS
    julienotwiczLizHacketthello_saylorBurds_1itsaysbluemerkmeleeTheRealRHBlyndsey_hatch
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    SarcasiliciousTheRealRHBDrDweezilvoxelcomposerRunwayDansly_tendencies_NiciDaviesVenusRockHobbit__
    kingstonstreetbrittarnettmy_minivan_life
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    If there’s a kid acting like an adult in your ad I will not buy your product and I’ll buy your competitor’s product even if I don’t need it.

    • 340
    • FAVS
    VocabuLarryBaileylt16CoolishCoolidgelowtech42Burds_1VenusRockHobbit__brynndelaneyHome_Halfway
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    mdsnjaneVenusRockHobbit__stephtaculrchilldadpalguyTweesTweetsJimNotCarreythekerororistahrabik
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Guys, Dole Kemp 96 website is still live and still awesome!  http://www.dolekemp96.org/main.htm  thx @primer

    • 117
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweeziljefftminstondeke_duncanmy_minivan_lifePlaying_Dadkamiekaymee__lehmanbw
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    nicstruztechsarahJohnABenderCragglervtmelcarnalartistryKCeronUnitedsteveyetter
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

    • 248
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweezilMsKala88GingerVonPaigeVicFuture__VenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkk
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    VicFuture__VenusRockHobbit__Akshon_BastardSeanX3okmaricelDawnMoyersibrenduhmaybenotscott
    JaySuch
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Coffee Shops with Free WiFi
    - Welcome Back Squatter
    - See Ya Loiter
    - American Idle Cafe
    - Tablesloths
    - Slow Sips Abyss
    - Café Au Layabout

    • 260
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkSmmytheGenuineMaliceVocabuLarryTomKillingbeck
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    proudest_ravena_lolbrarianVocabuLarrybenittto12Favstar250elizabethdbakerWookieOnUnicornTheDairylandDon
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    ShimmersteakKatesHeadStateCarpeAngelaMeredvthCraigolasFuckabillyRexManda_like_wineKevyMetalWorld
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    wifewithabsdragnutmetalouiseBelgianPancakesashadaisicallucyvetorchangesqTweetMullins
    GibranSaleem
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When I start telling someone how we rescued our dog from a shelter, my dog will make the jerking off motion with his paw behind my back.

    • 238
    • FAVS
    vakatiesdTheKatBurdickWilliamDettloffnickwilson_1chaylordFuckabillyRexkanyeskunkbabyangelacobb
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    nickwilson_1Matt_MellonkanyeskunkbabyArtemisLoudTierno158SamReidSaysbiglikeboguesYourComicMuse
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    How would you rate the performances of our Medieval costumed entertainers?

    ☐ Renaissance Great
    ☐ Renaissance Good
    ☐ Renaissance Fair

    • 243
    • FAVS
    afbradstonehello_saylorszoedalry_hannahwheatleyBrooke_McMasterJawnCorgiChipChantryTheWoodenslurpy
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    dragnutVenusRockHobbit__CordillydallyorthancatharrisonvcTwiterHerostemstepiptay3
    earfdaebigdumptruck
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    New Jersey News Hurricane Traffic Advisory: Please avoid Highway 9, it's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive. #hurricane

    • 81
    • FAVS
    VenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_ThurlowDeeDanny_McH2OCrypticPostsEH1967hipchkkBeRusTerr
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    hipchkkgiventofly41BeRusTerrMeatCat12345asimplemachineBownuggetsTheFlanchiseHoraptor
    lanyardigan
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Things Toddlers are Good at:
    - walking like spazzes
    - talking like morons
    - Stomping on sand castles I worked hard on
    - not apologizing

    • 248
    • FAVS
    Joann_FactotumBurds_1DrDweezilGingerVonPaigeVenusRockHobbit__Erik_Allenfoodeemikefooperdoop
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__foodeemikeSPmilkshake_itspat_hipchkkLongggHairDCQuotebookGuyNetflixMe
@usedwigs

@usedwigs
Pro

Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap'