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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Upcoming Jason Statham Movies:
    - The Crime Job
    - The Guy Fighter
    - The Car Driver
    - Fist & Chips
    - Snog
    - Plunk
    - Cockney & Racy

    • 1,191
    • FAVS
    LachlanHBurds_1DrDweezilTitusJudahtimspringaVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_ALehane3
    • 781
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__6PackOfTriangleScubaSteve1219smashingpalmerSneidiTeewr_noelMarkTwainCryingknifey
    brzandt
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he’s wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert”.

    • 1,014
    • FAVS
    Burds_1VenusRockHobbit__Alina_Escotoenjoi_bryMotionToStrikeJonJon_Brown_Ms_Moneypenny_Yo_Simmity_Sam
    • 686
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__enjoi_bryA_robb86jared_olsenSFBTaskuskissmeimapirateMangz57edomalo
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Hi, I’m your waiter Jeff, let me tell you about The Specials. The Specials are an English 2 Tone ska revival band from Coventry, England…

    • 1,009
    • FAVS
    oylenshpeegulrascalkingtwiterseanAnemoneOhBillMc7JaysonZhiKimpulsesMikeESevens
    • 626
    • RETWEETS
    lauralaedomaloladylazarus9PhilDarnowskyTheBlessMessNhelgrenYesNoSupereric10F
    hipchkkHome_Halfwaykamiekaymee__IGotsSmartsvladchocBlitznBeans__
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Me & my bros like to call appetizers:
    Apps
    Appies
    Appeteazers
    Appuccinos
    Ap Pacinos
    Judd Apatowzers
    Appy Fillmores
    Feminine Appkins

    • 902
    • FAVS
    PinPinneryHallowedCrowVenusRockHobbit__yecatsyecatsHypercraxyallidoesnotwaitCOPrettyRunnerstudentbodies
    • 604
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__onume_MadameSexpertstudentbodiesCeeLoDeanIrieBigCatsammyj_04PaperWash
    Home_HalfwaySCbchbum
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Let me know if any of your dogs have learned how to talk because I've written 6 pretty good rap songs from the perspective of a rapping dog.

    • 682
    • FAVS
    AdamFortwenglerDylFremlinalittlefield7sk8erfor1018Sweetdaddyearlthejodiests_unkissedHoldenNix
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    niazmgcnicolegevorkyanbones_mckinneycourtneyrh_marissadawn8TallGlassOTalldonnymoreInspectah_Eck
    IGotsSmarts
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    "Um, here's a crazy idea, how about finishing the wall mural in the baby's room?" - Banksy's wife

    • 490
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkVocabuLarrynilroddaniessex81
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    nilrodCityWAGchloxaohmeggie_reedLetdownLizziedanwaitestable4glassesMaryTylerMog
    Kendragarden
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    CBS has 3 different NCIS shows on its fall schedule because people are fed up with the rampant naval crimes in our country and want answers!

    • 422
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkdivinesolace40CareyTim6hello_saylortrentbabbington
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    waggleothekiltluapulagerardsmithVince4Azrockdodger8clubadubdubThomBozworthTiffany_Douglas
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Just yelled out "Is it Friday yet?" Coworkers hoisted my chair in the air, paraded me around the office, crowned me new DIRECTOR OF LAUGHS!

    • 432
    • FAVS
    HallowedCrowVenusRockHobbit__MotionToStrikehipchkkCFremedAdeptLegacySmirk_du_Soleilkinkywillgraham
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__bryanoconnelldunnfgMcClaireymauralangCarterBlackburnthecrabbyhookFlaaaaalala
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    *uses falconry glove to take tray of bagel bites out of oven*

    • 418
    • FAVS
    Burds_1PinPinneryVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkFrankFecesTheMarxicanBossben45
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__emilywithcurlsHandurdealtWham_CityMrMoneyPussyjesmall01FreudianCrowhello_saylor
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When Facebook friends post about their kids’ sports victories, I always comment “He cheated. I was there. Very disappointed in your family.”

    • 334
    • FAVS
    hello_saylorBurds_1itsaysbluemerkmeleeTheRealRHBlyndsey_hatch4SLarsDrDweezil
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    SarcasiliciousTheRealRHBDrDweezilvoxelcomposerRunwayDansly_tendencies_NiciDaviesVenusRockHobbit__
    kingstonstreetbrittarnettmy_minivan_life
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    If there’s a kid acting like an adult in your ad I will not buy your product and I’ll buy your competitor’s product even if I don’t need it.

    • 339
    • FAVS
    lowtech42Burds_1VenusRockHobbit__brynndelaneyHome_HalfwayjoyjadinhipchkkOhTSee
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    mdsnjaneVenusRockHobbit__stephtaculrchilldadpalguyTweesTweetsJimNotCarreythekerororistahrabik
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Guys, Dole Kemp 96 website is still live and still awesome!  http://www.dolekemp96.org/main.htm  thx @primer

    • 117
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweeziljefftminstondeke_duncanmy_minivan_lifePlaying_Dadkamiekaymee__lehmanbw
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    nicstruztechsarahJohnABenderCragglervtmelcarnalartistryKCeronUnitedsteveyetter
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

    • 248
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweezilMsKala88GingerVonPaigeVicFutureVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkk
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    VicFutureVenusRockHobbit__Akshon_Bastardseanx3okmaricelDawnMoyersibrenduhmaybenotscott
    JaySuch
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Coffee Shops with Free WiFi
    - Welcome Back Squatter
    - See Ya Loiter
    - American Idle Cafe
    - Tablesloths
    - Slow Sips Abyss
    - Café Au Layabout

    • 260
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkSmmytheGenuineMaliceVocabuLarryTomKillingbeck
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    proudest_ravena_lolbrarianVocabuLarrybenittto12Favstar250elizabethdbakerWookieOnUnicornTheDairylandDon
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.

    • 189
    • FAVS
    Ianshadayemde_shrncampmswoowarfinkowskaHonkyDaFonkysemanticfanaticautiemom
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    metalouiseBelgianPancakesashadaisicallucyvetorchangesqTweetMullinsarthurpguinnessJessHar
    GibranSaleem
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    How would you rate the performances of our Medieval costumed entertainers?

    ☐ Renaissance Great
    ☐ Renaissance Good
    ☐ Renaissance Fair

    • 234
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkk_CursedTeaCordillydallybehindyourbackmissingblakes
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__CordillydallyorthancatharrisonvcTwiterHerostemstepiptay3Mr_Indigo
    earfdaebigdumptruck
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When I start telling someone how we rescued our dog from a shelter, my dog will make the jerking off motion with his paw behind my back.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweezilVenusRockHobbit__beers_andrewAuntRoseRitajessebrubacherJules2012mac__CaraHurdelbrink
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__AuntRoseRitaDaryll_Matthewc001357_yourfavmexicanfumbler00skiGreysenTheGreat__Chairmanofspace
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    New Jersey News Hurricane Traffic Advisory: Please avoid Highway 9, it's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive. #hurricane

    • 81
    • FAVS
    VenusRockHobbit___Ms_Moneypenny_ThurlowDeeDanny_McH2OCrypticPostsEH1967hipchkkBeRusTerr
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    hipchkkgiventofly41BeRusTerrMeatCat12345asimplemachineBownuggetsTheFlanchiseHoraptor
    lanyardigan
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Things Toddlers are Good at:
    - walking like spazzes
    - talking like morons
    - Stomping on sand castles I worked hard on
    - not apologizing

    • 248
    • FAVS
    Burds_1DrDweezilGingerVonPaigeVenusRockHobbit__Erik_Allenfoodeemikefooperdoopshewlacee
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    VenusRockHobbit__foodeemikeSPmilkshake_itspat_hipchkkLongggHairDCQuotebookGuyNetflixMe
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Maybe stop bitching about your own little problems for a second and help me find out where my wife hid the goddamn Halloween candy.

    • 225
    • FAVS
    Zora_d_1991plfredericklottie_crowGoofyGeminiyishenxinshenOutofmyIndyheadelong1202SpencerFos22
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    Zora_d_1991saralulu62LaBaPetedpohlenTheSparklyAFTwinaLuOne_FineMessRussDaum
@usedwigs

@usedwigs
Pro

Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap'