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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Gift @usedwigs Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,412
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    • 1,273
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Hi, I’m your waiter Jeff, let me tell you about The Specials. The Specials are an English 2 Tone ska revival band from Coventry, England…

    • 1,927
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    • 1,100
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Anyone recommend a good book to sit on my nightstand untouched for 3 years collecting dust while I mindlessly stare into this stupid screen?

    • 1,687
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    • 936
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
    • 1,477
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    • 764
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Upcoming Jason Statham Movies:
    - The Crime Job
    - The Guy Fighter
    - The Car Driver
    - Fist & Chips
    - Snog
    - Plunk
    - Cockney & Racy

    • 1,228
    • LIKES
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    • 784
    • RETWEETS
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    brzandt
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Me & my bros like to call appetizers:
    Apps
    Appies
    Appeteazers
    Appuccinos
    Ap Pacinos
    Judd Apatowzers
    Appy Fillmores
    Feminine Appkins

    • 1,186
    • LIKES
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    • 705
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    Home_HalfwaySCbchbum
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Your Google Self-Driving car should be taken away if you don't let your dog sit in the driver's seat while you hold a map riding shotgun.

    • 936
    • LIKES
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    • 474
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Ted Cruz is now gonna hit the links and swing the ol' golf bat.

    • 828
    • LIKES
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    • 522
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    "Um, here's a crazy idea, how about finishing the wall mural in the baby's room?" - Banksy's wife

    • 870
    • LIKES
    NFLforDUMMIESCnaVDJohn26649305YeahLindz__ChristiAilisedigitalpiscestylerJjanssenlisssmarie
    • 337
    • RETWEETS
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    Kendragarden
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Let me know if any of your dogs have learned how to talk because I've written 6 pretty good rap songs from the perspective of a rapping dog.

    • 703
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    • 219
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    IGotsSmarts
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Daniel Craig is done w/ Bond. Per my sources, top contenders for next 007
    - Melissa McCarthy
    - Kristen Wiig
    - Kate McKinnon
    - Leslie Jones

    • 667
    • LIKES
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    • 222
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    *uses falconry glove to take tray of bagel bites out of oven*

    • 584
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    • 155
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    CBS has 3 different NCIS shows on its fall schedule because people are fed up with the rampant naval crimes in our country and want answers!

    • 424
    • LIKES
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    • 254
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Is Lent over yet? I really miss boogie boarding.

    • 437
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    • 193
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    when your doctor says you must cut down on sweets but you sneak some Werther's Originals in your lunch bag anyway pic.twitter.com/3Rmv73A9Kb

    • 476
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    • 126
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Open letter to the owner of Dan's Antiques:

    You could have named your shop "Dantiques" and you didn't. Coward.

    • 476
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    • 120
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Worst-Selling Apples
    - Red Delinquent
    - Jaden Smith
    - Golden Longhair
    - Sad Ronald
    - Travelin' Wormbury
    - Smooth Jazz
    - Mushland Softie

    • 436
    • LIKES
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    • 159
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Netflix is getting very specific pic.twitter.com/6SbzOYgQr9

    • 425
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    • 158
    • RETWEETS
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Just yelled out "Is it Friday yet?" Coworkers hoisted my chair in the air, paraded me around the office, crowned me new DIRECTOR OF LAUGHS!

    • 433
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    • 142
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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.

    • 344
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    • 212
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@usedwigs

@usedwigs

Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap' and Co-Host of new @JunkMilesShow

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