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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Upcoming Jason Statham Movies:
    - The Crime Job
    - The Guy Fighter
    - The Car Driver
    - Fist & Chips
    - Snog
    - Plunk
    - Cockney & Racy

    • 1,187
    • FAVS
    ALehane3ISAACWTMilase_kCordillydallyKendragardenYour_ClarkKentjmsldrdtschuman13
    • 780
    • RETWEETS
    6PackOfTriangleScubaSteve1219smashingpalmerSneidiTeewr_noelMarkTwainCryingknifeyCannibalColleen
    brzandt
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he’s wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert”.

    • 989
    • FAVS
    Sam_OHaraekkosidetrackadvisorjessekthorjensenpuppytearsthecheezemtheryangordonOKJuliet
    • 670
    • RETWEETS
    beecroft_suxadvisorjessegiventofly41sackofcatfoodjbrianogracfulbirdgirlthesaurosierideat_radix
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Me & my bros like to call appetizers:
    Apps
    Appies
    Appeteazers
    Appuccinos
    Ap Pacinos
    Judd Apatowzers
    Appy Fillmores
    Feminine Appkins

    • 902
    • FAVS
    HypercraxyallidoesnotwaitCOPrettyRunnerstudentbodiesvtrapp11Swishergirl24cdngrl82slonneck
    • 603
    • RETWEETS
    onume_MadameSexpertstudentbodiesCeeLoDeanIrieBigCatsammyj_04PaperWashJiminyKicksIt
    Home_HalfwaySCbchbum
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Hi, I’m your waiter Jeff, let me tell you about The Specials. The Specials are an English 2 Tone ska revival band from Coventry, England…

    • 909
    • FAVS
    jmsrules8megmaticfingerbangsJakesterr_CursedTeaKyleOcLskallagrimjones_clownbaby_
    • 568
    • RETWEETS
    jeffc76My__Carrotsquiznoschef_clownbaby_Corbett_BeccaActualVictoriajojobeanbean37thchamber
    Home_Halfwaykamiekaymee__IGotsSmartsvladchocBlitznBeans
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    "Um, here's a crazy idea, how about finishing the wall mural in the baby's room?" - Banksy's wife

    • 483
    • FAVS
    daniessex81thebreadkilnRayKaikojo_churchtheycallmejwowbotandycrk1229LetdownLizzie
    • 200
    • RETWEETS
    CityWAGchloxaohmeggie_reedLetdownLizziedanwaitestable4glassesMaryTylerMogtklynch
    Kendragarden
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    CBS has 3 different NCIS shows on its fall schedule because people are fed up with the rampant naval crimes in our country and want answers!

    • 418
    • FAVS
    divinesolace40CareyTim6hello_saylortrentbabbingtoncalebjduckLjootwaggleothekiltNurseKimaaa
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    waggleothekiltluapulagerardsmithVince4Azrockdodger8clubadubdubThomBozworthTiffany_Douglas
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Just yelled out "Is it Friday yet?" Coworkers hoisted my chair in the air, paraded me around the office, crowned me new DIRECTOR OF LAUGHS!

    • 429
    • FAVS
    CFremedAdeptLegacySmirk_du_Soleilkinkyhannibaldrug_whispererBenjy_Cannibalkendallioearfdae
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    McClaireymauralangCarterBlackburnthecrabbyhookFlaaaaalalaHonesyBoyThree_NinjasNeal_Dewing
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    *uses falconry glove to take tray of bagel bites out of oven*

    • 414
    • FAVS
    FrankFecesTheMarxicanBossben45KendragardenCatherineLMKHopeLynnRoseburgerfeetsjohnnybagel
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    HandurdealtWham_CityMrMoneyPussyjesmall01FreudianKittenhello_saylorBenDurkeeGaeusi
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When Facebook friends post about their kids’ sports victories, I always comment “He cheated. I was there. Very disappointed in your family.”

    • 309
    • FAVS
    behindyourbackMacKoolioGrowlyGregoHome_HalfwayheckajakejhnmchlLostCatDogdrainyowbrain
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    IknowDennYAkshon_BastardCharIesDickensheckajakeUncleMalamadrainyowbrainhenreeacclaytonr
    kingstonstreetbrittarnettmy_minivan_life
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    If there’s a kid acting like an adult in your ad I will not buy your product and I’ll buy your competitor’s product even if I don’t need it.

    • 332
    • FAVS
    josiahjleeMasonTMurrayyobrah_HorsicalTweesTweetsJimNotCarreyLythamCoffeeCoMilfisland
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    yobrah_TweesTweetsJimNotCarreythekerororistahrabikImproperBrahminpuzzy_cutzMollyLeMoine
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Guys, Dole Kemp 96 website is still live and still awesome!  http://www.dolekemp96.org/main.htm  thx @primer

    • 115
    • FAVS
    jefftminstondeke_duncanmy_minivan_lifePlaying_Dadkamiekaymee__lehmanbwtrumpetcakeFeliciaLMiller
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    nicstruztechsarahJohnABenderCragglervtmelcarnalartistryKCeronUnitedsteveyetter
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    behindyourbackGrowlyGregohoopahoepseanx3TearsaSmithjosiahjleeAmyLee1234daveheiniger
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    Akshon_Bastardseanx3okmaricelDawnMoyersibrenduhmaybescottAmyLee1234my_minivan_life
    JaySuch
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Coffee Shops with Free WiFi
    - Welcome Back Squatter
    - See Ya Loiter
    - American Idle Cafe
    - Tablesloths
    - Slow Sips Abyss
    - Café Au Layabout

    • 250
    • FAVS
    tomkillingbeckmoney_monsonTheNardvarktheryangordoncombatoperasamanthathegrayBeRusTerrSamGrittner
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    benittto12Favstar250elizabethdbakerWookieOnUnicornTheDairylandDonDaveS002QuotebookGuyPonyRoy
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    How would you rate the performances of our Medieval costumed entertainers?

    ☐ Renaissance Great
    ☐ Renaissance Good
    ☐ Renaissance Fair

    • 230
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaCordillydallybehindyourbackmissingblakesorthancatmarkleidnerharrisonvcscearley
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    CordillydallyorthancatharrisonvcTwiterHerostemstepiptay3Mr_IndigoOhRather
    earfdaebigdumptruck
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    New Jersey News Hurricane Traffic Advisory: Please avoid Highway 9, it's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive. #hurricane

    • 74
    • FAVS
    BeRusTerrChristinaSauskaJaySaqqaBownuggetsTheDairylandDonLostCatDogAndLive2LovePlaying_Dad
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    giventofly41BeRusTerrMeatCat12345asimplemachineBownuggetsTheFlanchiseHoraptorjackflaps
    lanyardigan
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Sorry I spent the afternoon throwing Molotov cocktails through your storefront windows. I bought 5-Hour Anarchy by mistake.

    • 192
    • FAVS
    jay_ekaj33redherringbearDanielRCarrillojrichiev2NonPhatMatt______siscilyyungmustacheCROWEbraStarshp
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    SociablyAwkwardmariaisab3llawolves_in_spaceweirddrugsmadelinecikebread_thingWyanRilsonDannyR_OD
    jefftminston
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When I start telling someone how we rescued our dog from a shelter, my dog will make the jerking off motion with his paw behind my back.

    • 152
    • FAVS
    behindyourbackGrowlyGregoalexhartzlerBigsby29annaingeHazeleyedmonstrjerryRenekCabetoMejia
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    delraytacoHazeleyedmonstrmbondurantCacheTastrophySpirkCTheDairylandDonnatashaluxesweatyhag
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    I have yet to meet a little kid wearing sunglasses who is actually cool.

    • 162
    • FAVS
    behindyourbackspecialsquidhonkeyrhubarbm3rcatAddyFatStackssam_reginaldNonCombosMentosanncarracher20
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    NonCombosMentosasimplemachineAkshon_BastardGrowlyGregomy_minivan_lifeTheDairylandDonbrzandtthatpatp
    brzandtduplicitron
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Would you like your receipt
    - in the bag?
    - emailed?
    - posted on Facebook?
    - made into origami elk?
    - framed?
    - read aloud?
    - lit on fire?

    • 108
    • FAVS
    jefftminstonbehindyourbackbrzandtrachel_dangerrunbearableHOTTVampChickaBagrlylittleREDelf
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    Runs_Wildfavstar1000favsTheStagingGuymarkcarrollnowashleyemiliaDarleenCwpazzurrishorts_n_longs
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    If there’s a photo of you wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt on your boat in Florida shown on 48 Hours or Dateline, you murdered your wife.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    kifdavisgiventofly41LDMalmmatt_TMNfanfromafarLOLPhilliesmelissa_quinlanJdwindd
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    symeoQBEaglesPhylanJdwinddahrabiknhatty_ice49ersThirtyMinuteAbsTheRalphMafia
@usedwigs

@usedwigs

Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap'