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  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Upcoming Jason Statham Movies:
    - The Crime Job
    - The Guy Fighter
    - The Car Driver
    - Fist & Chips
    - Snog
    - Plunk
    - Cockney & Racy

    • 1,188
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_ALehane3ISAACWTMilase_kCordillydallyKendragardenYour_ClarkKentjmsldrd
    • 780
    • RETWEETS
    6PackOfTriangleScubaSteve1219smashingpalmerSneidiTeewr_noelMarkTwainCryingknifeyCannibalColleen
    brzandt
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he’s wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert”.

    • 1,011
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brown_Ms_Moneypenny_Sam75283744hipchkkSlipperyPete360MeredvthCandaceTrenumSmmythe
    • 683
    • RETWEETS
    SFBTaskuskissmeimapirateMangz57edomaloChaseMac11favstar1000favsfmlsuxMiataMike
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Hi, I’m your waiter Jeff, let me tell you about The Specials. The Specials are an English 2 Tone ska revival band from Coventry, England…

    • 923
    • FAVS
    burgerbaronessDan_Benenson_Ms_Moneypenny_hythemafiaamalgamatedshopd_interruptedDanny_McH2Opixiedaddy
    • 586
    • RETWEETS
    cheftiamcdamalgamatedshopd_interruptedResusRobinmiissabbeyDanny_McH2Ojrreid11hipchkk
    hipchkkHome_Halfwaykamiekaymee__IGotsSmartsvladchocBlitznBeans
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Me & my bros like to call appetizers:
    Apps
    Appies
    Appeteazers
    Appuccinos
    Ap Pacinos
    Judd Apatowzers
    Appy Fillmores
    Feminine Appkins

    • 901
    • FAVS
    yecatsyecatsHypercraxyallidoesnotwaitCOPrettyRunnerstudentbodiesvtrapp11Swishergirl24cdngrl82
    • 603
    • RETWEETS
    onume_MadameSexpertstudentbodiesCeeLoDeanIrieBigCatsammyj_04PaperWashJiminyKicksIt
    Home_HalfwaySCbchbum
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    "Um, here's a crazy idea, how about finishing the wall mural in the baby's room?" - Banksy's wife

    • 487
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkVocabuLarrynilroddaniessex81thebreadkilnRayKaikojo_church
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    nilrodCityWAGchloxaohmeggie_reedLetdownLizziedanwaitestable4glassesMaryTylerMog
    Kendragarden
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    CBS has 3 different NCIS shows on its fall schedule because people are fed up with the rampant naval crimes in our country and want answers!

    • 420
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkdivinesolace40CareyTim6hello_saylortrentbabbingtoncalebjduckLjoot
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    waggleothekiltluapulagerardsmithVince4Azrockdodger8clubadubdubThomBozworthTiffany_Douglas
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Just yelled out "Is it Friday yet?" Coworkers hoisted my chair in the air, paraded me around the office, crowned me new DIRECTOR OF LAUGHS!

    • 430
    • FAVS
    hipchkkCFremedAdeptLegacySmirk_du_Soleilmadsmikkellsendrug_whispererBenjy_Cannibalkendallio
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    McClaireymauralangCarterBlackburnthecrabbyhookFlaaaaalalaHonesyBoyThree_NinjasNeal_Dewing
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    *uses falconry glove to take tray of bagel bites out of oven*

    • 416
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkFrankFecesTheMarxicanBossben45KendragardenCatherineLMKHopeLynnRose
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    emilywithcurlsHandurdealtWham_CityMrMoneyPussyjesmall01FreudianKittenhello_saylorBenDurkee
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When Facebook friends post about their kids’ sports victories, I always comment “He cheated. I was there. Very disappointed in your family.”

    • 318
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_saramosaddeghTarmtrollBellaBlomkvistovningskoraemmakjellinsKatarinaFoamateurprod
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    saramosaddeghnilrodIknowDennYAkshon_BastardCharIesDickensheckajakeUncleMalamadrainyowbrain
    kingstonstreetbrittarnettmy_minivan_life
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    If there’s a kid acting like an adult in your ad I will not buy your product and I’ll buy your competitor’s product even if I don’t need it.

    • 336
    • FAVS
    joyjadinhipchkkOhTSeejosiahjleeMasonTMurrayyobrah_HorsiclesTweesTweets
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    stephtaculryobrah_TweesTweetsJimNotCarreythekerororistahrabikImproperBrahminpuzzy_cutz
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Guys, Dole Kemp 96 website is still live and still awesome!  http://www.dolekemp96.org/main.htm  thx @primer

    • 115
    • FAVS
    jefftminstondeke_duncanmy_minivan_lifePlaying_Dadkamiekaymee__lehmanbwtrumpetcakeFeliciaLMiller
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    nicstruztechsarahJohnABenderCragglervtmelcarnalartistryKCeronUnitedsteveyetter
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

    • 242
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkVocabuLarrybehindyourbackGrowlyGregohoopahoepseanx3TearsaSmith
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    Akshon_Bastardseanx3okmaricelDawnMoyersibrenduhmaybescottAmyLee1234my_minivan_life
    JaySuch
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Coffee Shops with Free WiFi
    - Welcome Back Squatter
    - See Ya Loiter
    - American Idle Cafe
    - Tablesloths
    - Slow Sips Abyss
    - Café Au Layabout

    • 258
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkkSmmytheGenuineMaliceVocabuLarrytomkillingbeckmoney_monsonTheNardvark
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    proudest_ravena_lolbrarianVocabuLarrybenittto12Favstar250elizabethdbakerWookieOnUnicornTheDairylandDon
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    How would you rate the performances of our Medieval costumed entertainers?

    ☐ Renaissance Great
    ☐ Renaissance Good
    ☐ Renaissance Fair

    • 232
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_hipchkk_CursedTeaCordillydallybehindyourbackmissingblakesorthancatmarkleidner
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    CordillydallyorthancatharrisonvcTwiterHerostemstepiptay3Mr_IndigoOhRather
    earfdaebigdumptruck
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    New Jersey News Hurricane Traffic Advisory: Please avoid Highway 9, it's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive. #hurricane

    • 80
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_ThurlowDeeDanny_McH2ORonnie_CarliniEH1967hipchkkBeRusTerrChristinaSauska
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    hipchkkgiventofly41BeRusTerrMeatCat12345asimplemachineBownuggetsTheFlanchiseHoraptor
    lanyardigan
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    When I start telling someone how we rescued our dog from a shelter, my dog will make the jerking off motion with his paw behind my back.

    • 219
    • FAVS
    beers_andrewAuntRoseRitajessebrubacherJules2012macCaraHurdelbrinkbetaPbetaLetdownLizziekatsuyakyoko
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    AuntRoseRitaDaryll_Matthewc001357_yourfavmexicanadlehrerGreysenTheGreatChairmanofspacejacksonshrout
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Things Toddlers are Good at:
    - walking like spazzes
    - talking like morons
    - Stomping on sand castles I worked hard on
    - not apologizing

    • 243
    • FAVS
    foodeemikefooperdoopshewlaceeviadear_Ms_Moneypenny_goldengateblondFreeDriftwoodMaria4TNT
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    foodeemikeSPmilkshake_itspat_hipchkkLongggHairDCQuotebookGuyNetflixMeMlyStClr
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    Sorry I spent the afternoon throwing Molotov cocktails through your storefront windows. I bought 5-Hour Anarchy by mistake.

    • 198
    • FAVS
    kellandrewsPABenmfscharrereroxorenatemac79angrybirds5150_Ms_Moneypenny_jay_ekaj33redherringbear
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_SociablyAwkwardmariaisab3llawolves_in_spaceweirddrugsmadelinecikebread_thingWyanRilson
    jefftminston
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    I have yet to meet a little kid wearing sunglasses who is actually cool.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_nilrodbehindyourbackspecialsquidhonkeyrhubarbm3rcatAdamTheLobstersam_reginald
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    nilrodDanMentosasimplemachineAkshon_BastardGrowlyGregomy_minivan_lifeTheDairylandDonbrzandt
    brzandtduplicitron
  • usedwigs
      Jeff Lyons @usedwigs

    I am "angry that Bad Religion is opening for The Offspring" years old.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    CharlTaylorPage_Ms_Moneypenny_AshleyWhiteMcmckendreejodi_mamaHenry_3krazorbrownLordofDiscord
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    Tom_OBedlamchristian_riv51_Moon_Emperor_emilyverdYuppiePunker76c1c1d3184f44espudmutherCliFFSima
@usedwigs

@usedwigs

Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap'