Brrr, it's so cold around here that I just saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

God has to have the sense of humour he made me sound the way I do but Mike Tyson the way he does.

The way 'Pamela anderson' dresses always reminds me of a bad photograph: overdeveloped and overexposed.

And when I am feeling fat, I take a trip to WalMart. :P

Why only dogs? If someone fed me, pampered me,clothed me,picked up after me, and fought for my rights,i would stay loyal to him forever too.

Few days of absolute silence and i got more new followers then usual, Guess my ex wasn't wrong afterall.

4 in 10 people admit eating raw cookie dough while making cookies. In related news, 6 in 10 people are straight up liars.

Parents still think I don't understand the sexual innuendos & analogies they say towards each other in my presence!! Low blow, Innit ? :|

Woman gives birth to 20 pound baby in Somalia. Feeds village for weeks.

Almost 25 years old and wearing matching outfits with your girlfriend! Time to hand in your balls.

Note to self: Making fun of people's dead mother in dive bars is rarely the start of a sophisticated, meaningful conversation. Rarely.

Snow closes some more Canadian schools; its going after young children like a catholic priest...

I only misbehave so dramatically at the end of bad dates so at least I have a story to tell besides "she so was fuckin' dumb".

Heard they distinguish and segregate straight and lesbian prisoners in prison! Very hard to tell apart on days they serve fishsticks.

I'm The Stereotype, The Walking Sin,

For I Love Not Gender, But The Spirit Within.

#bisexual #loudandproud #proudbisexual

If it wasn't 4 the author's bio i'd have mistaken sarah palin's speeches 4 a 12 year old's rant-infested cliché-ridden diary entries.

When I am feeling like a failure, I google "Latest Mike Tyson News".

Part of me believes that the rap industry started when two guys hanging out in 1970 realized that "shake it" and "butt naked" almost rhyme.

Bad things happen when people are bored.Britney Spears' marriage,Shaquille O'Neal's music career,Twilight Saga, @dalailama's twitter a/c....

Life is like a snuff film; it's not all that gratifying to watch, but in the end you're glad you had the experience.