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  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    Gift @UtilityLimb Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 6,837
    • LIKES
    turtledovejonesejlflopSeanGartonw1tch_5000lobstersspf13nuclearsquid_rsully
    • 5,765
    • RETWEETS
    ThatFeelsHippvlstavenCorrectionOfSicejlflopSirCaasticarjundotr0unakchongtastic
    EvaGiselleprawn_meatTRASHlNESS__pete_c_hell_homer__actualjellyfishingmarbirdmanBeeStapler
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    i'm not racist, but, *cranes neck to see if anyone's around. keeps craning. head unscrews entirely. out of the hole pour jewels & mysteries*

    • 6,693
    • LIKES
    FootballFocusAUGoingHard_ingerkarlgilbertWuttercuerkbradbonettecanadasandratherealeatwooddroobis
    • 3,994
    • RETWEETS
    Wright_ThoughtsWuttercuerkinfiniteyest_NinJarhatehugbear_hereTrevorVaderthemattillman
    prawn_meatQVT
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    an oscar the grouch in every trashcan doesn't break the canon that there's only one of him, each connects to a central body in the undercity

    • 5,852
    • LIKES
    pitxviperxPizzaxSlutxmokepokebzootyrobjamwartom_illusionHEYWATCHMETWEETslowseptember
    • 2,817
    • RETWEETS
    little_combatJason_Christmanmsagerbillion_maidenbrodie_forrestengineeriosSexy_Like_Jesustimesnewlindsey
    bromanconsulshruglord
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]

    • 5,675
    • LIKES
    napsaregnarlymolelocomatthewfwoodtext_questtravisstalefriescamstaquinnFVZZCHVRCH
    • 2,424
    • RETWEETS
    napsaregnarlylordelinessGREATWHITECURVEmariachimarsHeyYoEZBoBoArnzCowhideGlobewineaccguy
    BeverlyCleary69shruglordprinceamherstfart
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    pursue creativity until you're too jaded to enjoy what you loved about it to begin with. keep believing there's some answer to life in art.

    • 4,134
    • LIKES
    risjvdHipsterTrudycwahlzBenisSpicyphockstomwalkerisgoodBrkmstrCylinderhandsome_house
    • 2,367
    • RETWEETS
    risjvdTheArmsOfSorrowRilpwebBenisSpicyMikeyLowgunjonathemlingJohnnyEverclearelectricschleep
    DukeRaccoonsunfiltershruglordthe_kizzle
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, knowledge manifests itself in radiant dreams that shimmer like the wild sun.

    • 3,903
    • LIKES
    WillNetsky4lalathelastseabirdReisengRathxPizzaxSlutxAdamKnudsonejlflopnefertitillated
    • 2,265
    • RETWEETS
    ReisengRathwickedchickenRoobbiinnnnorangeuptopyouandtheobtuseworldisafuckwochieghostdad0
    deeeebagshruglordweird_hugs________BeeStaplerjrrrd
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    ya, last name spelled: [distant howl] as in far off train, [metallic scraping] as in axe being dragged through quarry, [quiet sobbing] as in

    • 3,789
    • LIKES
    hrldcprmarinhubkaspookpersonDoctorDoctoronume_Mr_Consideratemokepokeobscenewizard
    • 1,965
    • RETWEETS
    doomqueer_ShazmahAnalPioneerDoctorDoctorim_kinda_okaygiitachan28Cfoompfoomp
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    Goofs: Beavis believes his existence to be that which he experiences rather than the blanket of darkness shrouding the infinity he does not.

    • 3,041
    • LIKES
    HipsterTrudyspenceforgxmaswarspammmthelastseabirdtw0headedboy_tonyflesherlessthankyle
    • 1,634
    • RETWEETS
    WarrenIsDeadthelastseabirdfoxsoupmothdustRilpwebTeddyHoeseveltspenceforgtw0headedboy_
    shruglord
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    that's gay as hell dude... [later, in hospital burn ward]: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNEW THERE WAS AN EXTREMELY POWERFUL BEING NAMED "HELL DUDE"

    • 2,893
    • LIKES
    spenceforgwhyamikeenanindieobscuraxmaswarevlbzltyrhankhugsSeptapusDennycdl
    • 1,583
    • RETWEETS
    mark_argentvemodalenvaultbellestardusthankhugsLowkeyTwitssomniatedirehellswanMouseRat_Fan
    deeeebagshruglordMrPapaya__________fart
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    Todd shared a link: "Shit The Omniscient Authority Spire Says." Todd's location was changed from "Drone Warren 72A6-B" to "Reeducation Pods"

    • 2,938
    • LIKES
    cosminautPinkLipstitchasdfsemibmcduff7couchdwellerfifthsurvivoralextranquadaredthe1
    • 1,477
    • RETWEETS
    hrldcprpepelanovabenadryl25mgbofadesJack_Detricevidoegameslbsa71Mark_LinnBater
    shruglordScreamboat__iandury007
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    dude, you GOTTA see this GIF! [gif is you dying while watching the gif. you look up but im gone & so is every exit leading out of applebees]

    • 2,788
    • LIKES
    JohnGregoryJrejlflopRoosterMustacheWillie_is_KingBrkmstrCylinderHarryKershkylebutcher5sploosk
    • 1,283
    • RETWEETS
    shower_violenceLIGHTNINGxWOLFhyukjeassparklywingdingWillie_is_KingRayRaySharpaytofuwaterbloodydantastic
    shruglord
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    it's sad thinking of all the dogs in old movies that have died, but even sadder thinking of the earth we fled because of the dogs that can't

    • 2,562
    • LIKES
    WillNetskyejlflopkyledunphy5garbagecovenemlllyynlapifuckjohnobrienwaldron76
    • 1,437
    • RETWEETS
    woopercrouton_futonughHugsstalefriesviolentlycarsp00kylukeThatAwfulNickpunmagnate
    sunfilterdeeeebagshruglordprawn_meatAbbytheGroovy__dudehugsBeeStaplerrare_basement
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    I'm not doubting that you're 1/8th Pond People, but this is a research paper. You can't cite "BOG WISDOM"

    • 2,667
    • LIKES
    unicyclepolosuper_triangledraqulHereComesAndydirehellswananthonypantsManWithoutPantsleducviolet
    • 1,204
    • RETWEETS
    kohoutekXIIMouseRat_Fandang_cutiebased_shinigamidirtyag97samhurtZGhideous_pizzacheepguava
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    kinda miss when girls wore those "LOVE PINK" sweatpants. got kinda weird once they got replaced by "EAT BUGS," "FEAR SUN," and "LIVE CAVE"

    • 2,422
    • LIKES
    SlewFootersstabbedpainswebsighNEthingButWorkBIGBUTTSKILILMEMEQUEENNathanYorkJrEHCB
    • 1,428
    • RETWEETS
    foote_notessrhfsyMXLXTXVdirty_ickeshellofromannstabbedpainsAluminiumilismderlenbeck
    actualjellyfish
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    teens building new species of teen out of every available resource. teens of moss and teens of ore, our old weapons can not harm them.

    • 2,273
    • LIKES
    hrldcprZerglinatorJacobkuppantifuchsspenceforghankhugsjdconnersfuckutom
    • 1,287
    • RETWEETS
    hrldcprZerglinatorprofanegeometryJacobkuppRilpwebJohnLemongrabwooperLindleyAmy
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    i love her BUTTE, but only PLATEAUNICALLY ;) [a tumbleweed made of bugs rolls by. they keep still, moved only by wind. are they dead? am i?]

    • 2,239
    • LIKES
    KevinBuistejlflopjdconnersChrlesGlass12benicus_rex__fuckutomPat_Brenorangeuptop
    • 1,065
    • RETWEETS
    KeytonKnightgeneraldietzgsodohMcSwtrvstayecompshvdesstabbedpainsCherylHann
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    halloween is the only day when it's socially acceptable for a girl to dress like a PIT FULL OF SPIDERS. DUDE TRUST ME IT'S A GIRL. GET IN IT

    • 1,888
    • LIKES
    ejlflopAdamUltrabergBrkmstrCylinderstai_afviolentlycarSharksOnCouchesbashishmo_fuddlemark
    • 1,205
    • RETWEETS
    violentlycarFoggleARtyabann_dac001357bashishmo_latenightjitterbananafitzburritoofsad
    deeeebagvelcrofannypackshruglord
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    "how creative. the joy division album cover again," - me, sarcastically, to the endless black & white lines pouring out the sky into the sea

    • 2,028
    • LIKES
    hrldcprsuperbranchMeat_spoonhanoiheroinspenceforgwhoisdavidfusmallupsetterKeatonLora
    • 1,059
    • RETWEETS
    tobleronejoneshayBEARSwooperHowMuchForGoattresdessertkatrinaspiceheadlinepayoffMichaelHabetler
    DustinAHarkins
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    everybody welcome our surprise celebrity guest!! [the arm from arm & hammer hops out on stage and starts hammering people indiscriminately]

    • 1,986
    • LIKES
    SpinCircleDancechildrensrifleBrkmstrCylinderdylan_275orangeuptoprohmontgomerybmichaelpogsaregood
    • 1,055
    • RETWEETS
    msagerNotJohnHubingerdylan_275Roelof_Prinsoldheada__boycsimpson2016ElizabethZemsayecomp
  • UtilityLimb
      bandit @UtilityLimb

    your movie script is a lot like unicode in that it's got a bunch of stupid characters that will never show up on a screen

    • 1,800
    • LIKES
    suntzufuntzumichaelwhitneydadsizedwtmsidJulian_EppstevevsninjasLnL245BenFoster000
    • 1,176
    • RETWEETS
    WillNetskyJulian_EppPatrickLittenstevevsninjasLnL245HallieCloutier__LorrettaClisham__BenFoster000
    octoqt__Hermit_Thrush
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