Damn you boobies, stop being so glorious. Your owner is trying to tell me something and I need to make eye contact.

I've never experienced childbirth, but I have stepped on Legos

To my Ex Girlfriend: I faked it ! For the past 5 years I was just spitting on your back.

@fino76 well Carlos would know about balancing commitments, he had to juggle football & golf in Argentina

@vanja_mufc one of my fave images ever http://t.co/Vo2laNYu

And he gets worse pic.twitter.com/yNIHJ8DmkG

Omg omg @mu689908 just followed me, best day of my life! Wouldnt even care if my grandma died!

@shambles_11 @andyhunt2009 http://t.co/5Jark7sM

@jack9eight5 dick pic http://t.co/blgDzlvA

@chewspacka http://t.co/dOzAiy0x

A mouse doing more than sticking 2 fingers up at you

@bigred_m so his kids are in brazil? Why hasnt he declared he hates manchester and theres no restaurants and bitch some more?

I recently came into some money.

Fucking waste of a fiver, I thought it was a tissue.

@m1la_11 pic.twitter.com/VS2xTPsT8z

I like fleetwood mac but sky are really overplaying this ad

Was wondering why my skygo stream for el clasico was so shit, forgot i was downloading porn

Whats with Evra's chin? Looks like Jafar

A horse doing the moonwalk to fleetwood mac, i want what the guy who came up with that was on

The only thing that could make this more cringe worthy is if both sets of fans sing 'stand up for the champions'

Goals > possession

@mu689908 try explaining the figure 4 leg lock when a bunch of girls walk past and see you & your mate in it