Which dudes are gonna see the new Star Trek movie this weekend and which like pussy?

I'm like Richard Parker. I don't want to obey but if we're gonna be together a while and you have a big enough stick, I will.

Actually a bad girl CAN be good. It just takes a certain kind of motherfucker to make her WANT to.

Before crying about something someone else did, stop and think first if you've ever done anything similar, if you have - close your mouth.

Saw your pussy on River Monsters.

Bitches look crazy as all motherfuck crying on Instagram. If you can take a photo and filter and share it; whatever happened isn't THAT sad.

What's the international gesture for "I'd like a Happy Ending"?

Seriously.

Thinkin' about changing my avi... To your boyfriend's cack.

George enters Heaven. Waylon offers him rocking chair. Cash shakes his head. Biggie gestures at seat beside him on money green leather sofa.

911: What's your emergency?

Me: I've had 0 orgasms today.

911: Ma'am?

Me: You're gonna have say some freakier shit if this is gonna work.

1) Get gigantic fake titties
2) Photograph them
3) Copy and Paste Sports Analyst's tweets
4) Backstroke leisurely through all the dickholes

I have a very strict rule that if I'm sexting someone my husband has to be at work or in the other room or asleep next to me or something.

My favorite thing about Sunday is checking out all the Church Pussy at IHOP.

Cool @ bro. You're making all us bitches wet with that shit.

*assumes crane kick position*

Truthful Tuesday: I think about @whiskeyandmeds when I cum. RT if you do too!

RT if you think about me when you cum.

Just tryin' to have some normal eyebrows, you know.

*brushes dirt off shoulder*

We're like a SUPER FUCKED UP romper room.