She looks like 2 pigs fighting in a sweater.

I like to sit and think that life is beautiful.....and then I wipe myself.

I wish working was optional. I also wish twinkies had nutritional value.

Leave your attitude at the door...and your pants.

I don't think I was meant to babysit. I thought if I lost the kid a few times my sister would stop asking.

I'm a humanitarian. They're delicious.

My mouth tastes like mcdonalds and regret.

I wanna pick the mole off her neck and throw it in her soup.

Ha! Lost a follower. Think I saw her stuck under my truck tire....o wells.

I'm twitterbating.

Wtf!!!! Twitter keeps goin down on me!!! *not in a good way*

A cumshot a day doesn't really keep anything away.

I'm getting turned on by my cleavage.

Cock. Fuck. Snots. Vagina. Cunt. Balls. Asshole. Fuckstick. Fuckie. Suck. My. Ass. .......write that down.

I could go anywhere and get any guy I wanted but instead I choose to torture myself and abstain from regular sex by havin a boyfriend.

I lost a few followers over the night, they must've took my advice to suck a fat one. Cheers ;)

This waiting room could use more air freshners and vagina.

When people ignore me it means they're secretly in love with me unless I hear otherwise.

I made up my own rules to yahtzee cuz the ones it came with were lame.

I juss awoke from a slumber only to find out my b/f has yet to retrieve the starbees for me. His fate is currently undecided.