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She looks like 2 pigs fighting in a sweater.
I like to sit and think that life is beautiful.....and then I wipe myself.
I wish working was optional. I also wish twinkies had nutritional value.
Leave your attitude at the door...and your pants.
I don't think I was meant to babysit. I thought if I lost the kid a few times my sister would stop asking.
I'm a humanitarian. They're delicious.
My mouth tastes like mcdonalds and regret.
I wanna pick the mole off her neck and throw it in her soup.
Ha! Lost a follower. Think I saw her stuck under my truck tire....o wells.
Wtf!!!! Twitter keeps goin down on me!!! *not in a good way*
A cumshot a day doesn't really keep anything away.
I'm getting turned on by my cleavage.
Cock. Fuck. Snots. Vagina. Cunt. Balls. Asshole. Fuckstick. Fuckie. Suck. My. Ass. .......write that down.
I could go anywhere and get any guy I wanted but instead I choose to torture myself and abstain from regular sex by havin a boyfriend.
I lost a few followers over the night, they must've took my advice to suck a fat one. Cheers ;)
This waiting room could use more air freshners and vagina.
When people ignore me it means they're secretly in love with me unless I hear otherwise.
I made up my own rules to yahtzee cuz the ones it came with were lame.
I juss awoke from a slumber only to find out my b/f has yet to retrieve the starbees for me. His fate is currently undecided.
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you .... ;)