I love the word "fuck", it's flexible and can mislead people. Some people find it rude, but in fact, everyone loves to fuck #omgfacts

Wow! My house is full of single guys today! I am a dick whisperer

Anyway, the reason why i like shaved dick is because i don't like having that hair in my mouth

If boobs could talk, they'd say:

Boob 1: "suck me! Suck me!"
Boob 2: "fuck you! suck me first!"

I can't tell the difference between this guy and that guy. I have to try them out first.

At a moment like this, all i want is to stab a cat with a knife just to discover how many lives it still has

If a cucumber could talk, it would say,"Hi! My name is Cucumber. Just call me Cum."

The thing inside of my pants is very clamorous

If i smoke weed, everything looks funny, if i'm drunk my eyes won't stop staring at ur schlong.

If i do both, ur schlong will look funny

no, you're not lazy. You're just busy doing nothing the whole day

My version of safe sex is handcuffing a guy on the bed so he can't slap me if i accidentally bite his schlong

I've never given up anything for lent, but this time i'm giving up small dicks for lent.

Only the small ones!

I just forwarded a spam email about wang enlargement to my ex boyfriend

▒▒▒▒▒▒▏ 50 %

ʇǝʎ pǝpɐoן ʎןןnɟ ʇou sı uıɐɹq ʎɯ

Be glad if you got headache, it means you still have your head

Good thing from having wi-fi & iphone is u can do several styles while u tweet:
- doggy style
- kungfu style
- ballet style.

Choose yours!

So, if i pee on every tree i see, will my stalker be able to smell it and find the way to my house?

That sexy yoga teacher's teaching me yoga at the same time as teaching me how to get horny.

STOP TOUCHING MY BODY!

...hey, i enjoy it....

Wanna get famous in someone's mail inbox? Hit follow & unfollow button for 100 times, you'll flood it. I've done it before to @plaid_lemur

I just said happy valentine to my dog & gave him whiskey.