Robert Downey Jr. is actually really attractive.

When you're not looking for something it will show up. So how long to I have to pretend I'm not looking for?

Your grandpa's in hell playing backgammon with Hitler right now. #funny people

Fucking weather, you're such a cockblock I hate you.

Goddammit, fly me to the fucking moon.

Dude, I just wanna dance the fucking night away! Where my party people at!

Hot delivery boy! I think I'll order another pizza...

Sexy like a chocolate strawberry. #role models

Creepy dreams do not mean anything. They're just creepy.

Live with no regrets. Tell that someone just how sexy they really are. #makeitcount

Leave your emotions at the door.

When someone asks you if you understand, the general consensus is that you smile and nod, right? Not punch the bitch out. Learn the hard way

I'm technically just a kid. How can you expect me to make justifiable decisions?

Calm anger is the scariest kind.

I would totally be a badass if I didn't have this asinine fear of authority and all the evil they can inflict on me.

#ireallywant you. And some hash browns. That would be great.

Damn Africa, what happened?

You are literally too stupid to insult.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.

Sometimes, all you can do is say is "Holy fuck!" and move on with your day.