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I've been spring cleaning since March 2001.
I tell somebody that they're taking up four parking spots and suddenly I'm the asshole.
my superpower is turning ramen into high blood pressure.
I've been digging up sewage and mud for over an hour in an attempt to fix this septic tank and all I can think about is chocolate ice cream.
"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching" - Satchel Paige
Won $700,000 playing poker just now. Time for a cup of coffee and a ball-wash.
"How about a family of dogs that can drive a car?"
"You're a fucking genius, Mitch"
A very productive day at the Subaru ad agency.
A cheddar cheese crown might be the greatest achievment in all of burger-dom.
Screen printing shirts and posters today.
Feuding with a friend. Topic? What state has the sexier women. California or Mississippi.
im gonna be wearing my greenman gittup tomorrow afternoon in downtown hburg. Boom boom room is whats up!
I pinched a girl at work for not wearing green on St. Patrick's day. We should be getting married any day now.
Do all old women buy the same perfume?
Or is it some pheromone they secrete after menopause?
Either way, I've never been more turned on.
I have to defrost a coconut cream pie overnight in order to eat it. Life isn't fair.
It's a really nice fucking day.