You can do whatever you want kinda.

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder of absence.

Having a weird face day.

If you date me, be prepared to get married. After we break up. To the next person you date.

Dear second bowl of cereal, what is the meaning of life?

I love to laugh and state the obvious.

I guess more cushion doesn't automatically beget more pushin. :-(

Screaming at the top of my brain.

I'm not lonely I just crush a lot.

If I stop wearing this giant t-shirt to bed every night will I wake up with a boyfriend under my pillow?

I just want to know all the things.

People who don't tweet as frequently anymore are probably just busy being happy and fulfilled.

Just realized I'm lonely enough to call a bug in my room my pet.

A vine of us all jiggling our underarm flab.

"Don't say 'booyah.'" -my brain, one second before I say booyah.

It may appear that we're having a "conversation," but I'm really just fantasizing about showing you my myomectomy scar.

Remind me to sit in front of a fan for the rest of my life.

Forget babies, where does self esteem come from?

Me: *has sunglasses on* Person: "You look tired."

'Tis worse to have been followed and unfollowed than never to have been followed at all.