Sext: I'm in the ER getting my dick UNLEASHED from a shampoo bottle.

A bloke cries deep eats fun girl hears in jokes kept leery mean nasty owns prom queen rips soft thin undies verily with Xavier young zealot

Whoever used the urinal before me definitely uses Max Factor Mascara. That pube was 6 times more noticeable and 70% longer.

I am definitely considered twitter delete

I'll leave your knees weak and your lips bruised.

Why isn't there a sniper on fb picking everyone off. Why isn't that happening?

I just ate ANOTHER piece of shortbread and now im in my third trimester

It's a very rare magic to make people smile. @mouthymess has that magic in abundance. And she's fucking beautiful too, inside and outside!

Oh my. One little kiss and now
I live in Sonoma and Paul Giamatti thoroughly hates my kid.

I want the sex scars I brag about to be inflicted by you.

I may have dreamt about @mouthymess. It may have been erotically passionate. I definitely woke up alone. RL can be a callous bastard

So still haven't blemished my 100% success rate at being hopeless at women.

@boycalledann Like smears.

There's a pap for that.

@boycalledann like your mossies millions of years old.

There's a sap for that.

@aneesa_p I spend it wisely. Not on the dirty act of it, but still learning how to spell maystu.. matsru.. masterb. That's today's 37 done.

Fucken nice one mate! Hey everyone @chieftwittler dumped a stack of stars my way. Fully sik bro. Cheers

@annoyedworld and @pimpleeye I had a crack too. Not quite the standard of you fellas.

Does this Tapout T-shirt make the cock in my mouth look fat?

I put thought bubbles on all your avi's, just so I know what you're really thinking.

Facebook. Fuck you. God I wish that rhymed better