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  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    My husband is whistling and farting simultaneously in the next room. Don't be jealous. Your prince is out there, too.

    • 378
    • FAVS
    curlymalloyelisabetherapyDontfeedthekatssblondieddannydogmouthladyjazsjunkFunnyTunesewf70
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkKingJojomojoewf70HorrorRonaldMentalDV8Marcmywords2Gentlewoman2014pussy_woes
    titusbb
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Remember when we all had cheap phones we could throw when we got angry?

    • 238
    • FAVS
    curlymalloydaschristinehelenapatalanoMacc40Drivelodeonscarredstarsakherbie80GoneInTheMorn
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    guillermocanbaSarahBoswellkambabehelenapatalanola_de_da_lifeGoneInTheMornLilMamacitaDontskippybkroo
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    "I met this hot guy and had sex with him because he was playing this loud thumping music with his car window down" - no.girl.ever.

    • 195
    • FAVS
    curlymalloykelsdraperbeeskneesdiaperkellyquadkimssecretacctBadForEveryoneSimin109NicJRyan
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    kelsdraperkellyquadkimssecretacctBadForEveryone_Aynne_nocombnobrushPoorlawstudentSidusNova
    VividJamer
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    My son is upstairs building his own computer. When I was 15, I couldn't zip up a hoodie unless someone started it for me.

    • 156
    • FAVS
    RodneyTSSanchodeSaucyAngelfacePoorlawstudentbrendala_15Terri_EloiseSidusNovaMarcmywords2
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    AnnawtbBkay_codeSidusNovaMarcmywords2JimmerThatisAllmooyainiMillCityComicNahdude83
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Twitter is my Tamagotchi.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    SuburbanComablowsobdlockw21dell0717Marcmywords2BridgetMamacitamooyainiNeuroticMess
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    Bkay_codenikki_michelle4dlockw21LoLo_OOCMarcmywords2TateRyannNahdude83LilliSteiner
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Are we sure Michael Phelps isn't a Manning? He looks like a Manning.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbacon6666913birdiepls1brendala_15WathenMandyMarcmywords2_correctomundondiquote
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    Bkay_codeLanecat26666913Marcmywords2Nahdude83JamesonN7Disast3rmindNotJaronPromise__
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Why do ghosts always have clothes on? You're dead-live a little, ya know?

    • 67
    • FAVS
    alex_apatheticMrCheddar2AnAverageGiantheyoulauraMarcmywords2Adam14sexncakeVividJamer
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    MyWordStarrxxxmystikheyoulauraMarcmywords2sparklyshits______rustygunterobrijotheapprentice68
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Five minutes of cuddling is a about three more than I can stand.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    Erika_Cat_idiosityMarcmywords2Adam14VividJamerKostadinLalevshwebby2__________DanKCharnley
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    eoowynn_311MyWordStarrcarahalbertsMarcmywords2djdeitherVividJamerGacherieythepelosa
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Someone corrected my Spanish in my dream and I'm still pretty pissed about it.

    • 71
    • FAVS
    JDoody523mooyainiAdam14VividJamerKostadinLalevshwebby2__________DanKCharnleysparklyshits______
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    mooyainiKostadinLalevFavstar500FavsScrewoff315______ohwrigley________LadyVerbNFlow____cyanidecynicAnitaAlibi
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Dollar store handcuffs don't really work.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    TalathornM3XICAN_J3SUSdubnight_Adam14sexncakeMalliesDeezFatuousFloozy__VividJamer
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    thoughtgasmsM3XICAN_J3SUSdubnight_VividJamerrenees_echos______Favstar500FavsRommelDelCryptshwebby2__________
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Today is a good day to not watch the news and to ask your grandmother to show you how she made your favorite recipe.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    Adam14VividJamerDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________OliverGuardDogsparklyshits______Michabean
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsSomeJoeBro__Screwoff315______zumikissdavekunz8787ohwrigley________VerifiedJayy______EstherHardwick
    sssh_squirrel
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Whenever someone knocks on our door, my family and I look at each other like we all just remembered we robbed a bank.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeVividJamerDanKCharnleyMythicPicnicNinja_PrincessXksarndtitsaRawDawg
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    sexncakenight_goddess36ksarndtitsaRawDawgBmusd_N_Appalld420hipchickinsdAqeeltaaTheRealRHB
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Pretend like you don't care until, finally, you don't.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________itsmeshattyintellectASHroxy_asher
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    KostadinLalevThakuraaeenDanahHussain1intellectASHRanaSh3banenzoburritobeskrajanshellyb12249
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    If I invented 69 it would be me scratching your back while you paint my toenails.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14KostadinLalevshwebby2__________OliverGuardDogDanKCharnleyFuckTypingwesjohnson8
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    SleepingSuspectsouthernstormzLittleMonster8UThePsychRNosno13__angrypumpkinsrasguimrtruthandsoul
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Girl secret: we tighten the jars first just to watch you flex.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    NeiQVenterAdam14sexncakevlowgoesshwebby2__________MoemontesOliverGuardDogDanKCharnley
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsvlowgoeshrlksnot_liliemkwill10phobophileamandaleighxxTurboJellyBean
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I hate it when someone forgets I was the one who told them about the cool thing in the first place :(

    • 51
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________kodeeezzzysparklyshits______wesjohnson8
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsKostadinLalevandy632Screwoff315______Addictedsidesohwrigley________AnitaAlibiAshleeLovesKink
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I just poked my life with a stick to see if it was alive. Nope. Nothing.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    BlindVigilallthingspoeticThis_isnt_meDenymesanityamishschoolJlofarsaysDat_GirlaPit22
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    This_isnt_meDenymesanityPatrijkonymousBlue_Plus_Greennoneofyours99DismalO__im_eltcydnizoi
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I didn't mean to star your tweet. I just needed the light to pee.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyshwebby2__________MoemonteskodeeezzzyBulldog0613sparklyshits______
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sexncakerustygunterwavewasher__TurboJellyBeantundooriChickenrochasman_87MonoChronicaWh0sSane
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    No one ever eats my face :(

    • 47
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14DanKCharnleyshwebby2__________sparklyshits______rustygunterPYWLchopper4jk
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Screwoff315______titusbbohwrigley________VerifiedJayy______TiffWyrick1wickedsmartass__GorrdanoKrista_Trix
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    If my lungs don't collapse, then it's not spicy enough.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14DanKCharnleyshwebby2___________aitchhrustygunterPYWLchopper4jk
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    beskrajanNewMeReenaScrewoff315______ohwrigley________gabbbster12VerifiedJayy______TexasBlues78______Strawbewies_
@vinylrabbit

@vinylrabbit

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