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  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    My husband is whistling and farting simultaneously in the next room. Don't be jealous. Your prince is out there, too.

    • 343
    • FAVS
    mooyainiKhanvilkarYashGosiaWorldDeronH____________snapperjonbaw3rJakePentlandnotanymore112
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    GosiaWorldchrspqttCowbizzoyBictorElijoseejojojoDesiredB_iLoveMeSomeDriNeon_Dragon
    titusbb
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Remember when we all had cheap phones we could throw when we got angry?

    • 210
    • FAVS
    alecksanderaericboveA_Bike_GuyKristinHuckabeewendyraepearcedinotimemachineHeyRacheDanieChase
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    _fuckyousamwendyraepearcewildshadoAlyssaConyacsamuelhlowemooyainiGosiaWorldimalilfrazy
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    "I met this hot guy and had sex with him because he was playing this loud thumping music with his car window down" - no.girl.ever.

    • 156
    • FAVS
    1cynicalbitchmooyainiMoreWantsGosiaWorld_chaniisthriftyfinnMamaFloresMrsFoulmouth
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    mooyainiGosiaWorldFarmerblokeMillCityComicadri_cannastickboy530Nahdude83ken2hall
    VividJamer
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    My son is upstairs building his own computer. When I was 15, I couldn't zip up a hoodie unless someone started it for me.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    Ellequencemooyainindiquotemdhiggins78ElizTimberSeamusQuinnEsqmadcameljockeyNahdude83
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    mooyainiMillCityComicNahdude83haldonczykseahorsesavSillifunnihappiLovelyBones2358__Adam14
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Twitter is my Tamagotchi.

    • 118
    • FAVS
    BridgetMamacitamooyainiNeuroticMessTateRyannndiquotedaisysunshine90williamwantonSeamusQuinnEsq
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    TateRyannNahdude83LilliSteinerFondueHerz________KillimanscharoSternenchaosfavstar1000_deKostadinLalev
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Are we sure Michael Phelps isn't a Manning? He looks like a Manning.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    _correctomundondiquotedaisysunshine90cowgirl_reverseSeamusQuinnEsqNahdude83Adam14VividJamer
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    Nahdude83JamesonN7Disast3rmindNotJaronPromiseSgraham231NobillPrizeFollowMyRuin_sarita7108
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Why do ghosts always have clothes on? You're dead-live a little, ya know?

    • 62
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeVividJamervlowgoesshwebby2__________JT_IV_DanKCharnleysparklyshits
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    sparklyshitsrustygunterobrijotheapprentice68kayadele11jdhedwalJennaPriceFavstar500Favs
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Five minutes of cuddling is a about three more than I can stand.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    Adam14VividJamerKostadinLalevshwebby2__________DanKCharnleysparklyshitswesjohnson8JordyPants_
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    djdeitherVividJameriGazahthepelosaMrNoLaughstitusbbCrysNCarolina77DaHess1
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Someone corrected my Spanish in my dream and I'm still pretty pissed about it.

    • 71
    • FAVS
    JDoody523mooyainiAdam14VividJamerKostadinLalevshwebby2__________DanKCharnleysparklyshits
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    mooyainiKostadinLalevFavstar500FavsScrewoff315______ohwrigley________LadyVerbNFlow____cyanidecynicAnitaAlibi
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Today is a good day to not watch the news and to ask your grandmother to show you how she made your favorite recipe.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    Adam14VividJamerDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________JT_IV_sparklyshitsMichabean
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsShortWhiteNUglyScrewoff315______zumikissdavekunz8787ohwrigley________VerifiedJayy______EstherHardwick
    sssh_squirrel
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Dollar store handcuffs don't really work.

    • 58
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeMalliesDeezFatuousFloozyVividJamervlowgoesOuchan44renees_echos
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    VividJamerrenees_echosFavstar500FavsRommelDelCryptshwebby2__________JT_IV_sparklyshitsEdsMeds24
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Whenever someone knocks on our door, my family and I look at each other like we all just remembered we robbed a bank.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeVividJamerDanKCharnleyMythicPicnicNinja_PrincessXksarndtitsaRawDawg
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    sexncakenight_goddess36ksarndtitsaRawDawgBmusd_N_Appalld420hipchickinsdAqeeltaaTheRealRHB
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Pretend like you don't care until, finally, you don't.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________itsmeshattyintellectASHroxy_asher
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    KostadinLalevThakuraaeenDanahHussain1intellectASHRanaSh3banEnzoBurritoaltheneshellyb12249
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    If I invented 69 it would be me scratching your back while you paint my toenails.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14KostadinLalevshwebby2__________JT_IV_DanKCharnleyFuckTypingwesjohnson8
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    SleepingSuspectsouthernstormzLittleMonster8UThePsychRNosno13angrypumpkinsrasguimrtruthandsoul
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Girl secret: we tighten the jars first just to watch you flex.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    NeiQVenterAdam14sexncakevlowgoesshwebby2__________MoemontesJT_IV_DanKCharnley
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsvlowgoeshrlksnot_liliemkwill10phobophileamandaleighxxaLunchBox
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I hate it when someone forgets I was the one who told them about the cool thing in the first place :(

    • 51
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________kodeeezzzysparklyshitswesjohnson8
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsKostadinLalevandy632Screwoff315______ILoveTheWayAriiohwrigley________AnitaAlibiAshleeLovesKink
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I just poked my life with a stick to see if it was alive. Nope. Nothing.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    BlindVigilallthingspoeticadermenzhiDenymesanityamishschoolJlofarsaysDat_GirlaPit22
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    adermenzhiDenymesanityPatrickonymousBlue_Plus_Greennoneofyours99ConquerorVVormim_eltcydnizoi
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I didn't mean to star your tweet. I just needed the light to pee.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyshwebby2__________MoemonteskodeeezzzyBulldog0613sparklyshits
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sexncakerustygunterwavewasheraLunchBoxtundooriChickenrochasman_87RxMoGWh0sSane
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    No one ever eats my face :(

    • 47
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14DanKCharnleyshwebby2__________sparklyshitsrustygunterPYWLchopper4jk
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Screwoff315______titusbbohwrigley________VerifiedJayy______TiffWyrick1wickedsmartass__GorrdanoKrista_Trix
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    If my lungs don't collapse, then it's not spicy enough.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14DanKCharnleyshwebby2___________aitchhrustygunterPYWLchopper4jk
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    altheneNewMeReenaScrewoff315______ohwrigley________gabbbster12VerifiedJayy______TexasBlues78______Strawbewies_
@vinylrabbit

@vinylrabbit