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  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    My husband is whistling and farting simultaneously in the next room. Don't be jealous. Your prince is out there, too.

    • 379
    • FAVS
    JPhilly85curlymalloyelisabetherapyDontfeedthekats__sblondieddannydogmouthladyjazsjunkFunnyTunes
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    JPhilly85ladyjazsjunkKingJojomojoewf70HorrorRonaldMentalDV8Marcmywords2Gentlewoman2014
    titusbb
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Remember when we all had cheap phones we could throw when we got angry?

    • 238
    • FAVS
    curlymalloydaschristinehelenapatalanoMacc40Drivelodeonscarredstarsakherbie80GoneInTheMorn
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    guillermocanbaSarahBoswellkambabehelenapatalanola_de_da_lifeGoneInTheMornLilMamacitaDontskippybkroo
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    "I met this hot guy and had sex with him because he was playing this loud thumping music with his car window down" - no.girl.ever.

    • 197
    • FAVS
    kentgrossarthJPhilly85curlymalloykelsdraperbeeskneesdiaperkellyquadkimssecretacct__BadForEveryone
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    kelsdraperkellyquadkimssecretacct__BadForEveryone_Aynne_nocombnobrushPoorlawstudentSidusNova
    VividJamer
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    My son is upstairs building his own computer. When I was 15, I couldn't zip up a hoodie unless someone started it for me.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    vivalacrapLaurieDuvall3GMCP_78Dezzy_do_rightjayscarbluethequeensheartthenozokentgrossarth
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    thequeensheartkentgrossarthAnnawtbBkay_codeSidusNovaMarcmywords2JimmerThatisAllmooyaini
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Twitter is my Tamagotchi.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    SuburbanComablowsobdlockw21__dell0717Marcmywords2BridgetMamacitamooyainiNeuroticMess
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    Bkay_codenikki_michelle4dlockw21__LoLo_OOCMarcmywords2TateRyannNahdude83LilliSteiner
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Are we sure Michael Phelps isn't a Manning? He looks like a Manning.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbacon6666913birdiepls1brendala_15WathenMandyMarcmywords2_correctomundondiquote
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    Bkay_codeLanecat26666913Marcmywords2Nahdude83JamesonN7Disast3rmindNotJaronPromise__
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Whenever someone knocks on our door, my family and I look at each other like we all just remembered we robbed a bank.

    • 67
    • FAVS
    buyfolowss3757vivalacrapLaurieDuvall3Dezzy_do_rightjonathanchase_g00phybigpapa_1969LethalLabProj
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    ErmahgerdbeckyDezzy_do_rightkentgrossarthLethalLabProjjaggedapeWhoDatGirl3DaleIncMomCantSing
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Why do ghosts always have clothes on? You're dead-live a little, ya know?

    • 67
    • FAVS
    alex_apatheticMrCheddar2AnAverageGiantheyoulauraMarcmywords2Adam14sexncakeVividJamer
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    ViolentSparksxxxmystikheyoulauraMarcmywords2sparklyshits______rustygunterobrijotheapprentice68
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Someone corrected my Spanish in my dream and I'm still pretty pissed about it.

    • 82
    • FAVS
    kentgrossarthorneryalwaysfatcapsanliquorthe_itchy_scabEdwardsTeslaDanaTradeMarkPinkLazyDaisyLittleeFaunn
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    orneryalwaysthe_itchy_scabsuzapaloozaasparkhedcaptaincoximusMarcmywords2mooyainiKostadinLalev
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Five minutes of cuddling is a about three more than I can stand.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    kentgrossarthErika_Cat_idiosityMarcmywords2Adam14VividJamerKostadinLalevshwebby2__________
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    eoowynn_311ViolentSparkscarahalbertsMarcmywords2djdeither__VividJamerGacheriey__thepelosa
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Dollar store handcuffs don't really work.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    KingOfAllMetalLMac1203the_itchy_scabJazzyswayNiaAfuckingAphilEfanaddictMarcmywords2Talathorn
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    the_itchy_scabsparkhedIggles302JazzyswayNiaAfuckingAphilEfanaddictTRUPATSFAN75Marcmywords2
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Today is a good day to not watch the news and to ask your grandmother to show you how she made your favorite recipe.

    • 72
    • FAVS
    crissyb2112jaggedapereviousnunyaworldInyourtrunkMomCantSingl_mcman13howtofeedaloon
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    crissyb2112Marcmywords2Favstar500FavsSomeJoeBro__Screwoff315______zumikissdavekunz8787ohwrigley________
    sssh_squirrel
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Pretend like you don't care until, finally, you don't.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________itsmeshattyintellectASHroxy_asher
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    KostadinLalevThakuraaeenDanahHussain1intellectASHRanaSh3banenzoburrito__beskrajanshellyb12249
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    If I invented 69 it would be me scratching your back while you paint my toenails.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14KostadinLalevshwebby2__________OliverGuardDogDanKCharnleyFuckTypingwesjohnson8
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    SleepingSuspectsouthernstormzLittleMonster8UThePsychRNosno13__angrypumpkinsrasgui__mrtruthandsoul
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    Girl secret: we tighten the jars first just to watch you flex.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    NeiQVenterAdam14sexncakevlowgoesshwebby2__________MoemontesOliverGuardDogDanKCharnley
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsvlowgoeshrlksnot_liliemkwill10phobophileamandaleighxxTurboJellyBean
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I hate it when someone forgets I was the one who told them about the cool thing in the first place :(

    • 51
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyKostadinLalevshwebby2__________kodeeezzzysparklyshits______wesjohnson8
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsKostadinLalevandy632__Screwoff315______Cutiesiderohwrigley________AnitaAlibiAshleeLovesKink
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I just poked my life with a stick to see if it was alive. Nope. Nothing.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    BlindVigilallthingspoeticThis_isnt_meDenymesanityamishschoolJlofarsaysDat_GirlaPit22
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    This_isnt_meDenymesanityPatrijkonymousBlue_Plus_Greennoneofyours99DismalO__im_eltcydnizoi
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    I didn't mean to star your tweet. I just needed the light to pee.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    Adam14sexncakeDanKCharnleyshwebby2__________MoemonteskodeeezzzyBulldog0613sparklyshits______
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sexncakerustygunterwavewasher__TurboJellyBeantundooriChickenrochasman_87MonoChronicaWh0sSane
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    No one ever eats my face :(

    • 47
    • FAVS
    mooyainiAdam14DanKCharnleyshwebby2__________sparklyshits______rustygunterPYWLchopper4jk
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Screwoff315______titusbbohwrigley________VerifiedJayy______TiffWyrick1wickedsmartass__GorrdanoKrista_Trix
  • vinylrabbit
      Rabbit @vinylrabbit

    No one gives longer hugs than your friend's dad when you are 13.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    vivalacrapdavidlhbadboyversionDezzy_do_rightBmadjanovichTingySdarkshadow13TheOriginal_S
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    BmadjanovichTheOriginal_SJamesonN7kentgrossarthredpawn3_not_your_daddyMizCherrypop______BoscoPorter
@vinylrabbit

@vinylrabbit

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