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"My wife's star sign was cancer, and it's quite ironic how she died, really...
she was attacked by a giant crab."
Some helium floats into a bar and the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." The helium doesn't react.
if you moan really loudly in pleasure when receiving a TSA patdown, will they stop? or will they just keep doing it?
i read an article about tumblr being down and i was sad and then the top comment was "I NEED TO SHIP MAH BABIES!! ;__;" and now im less sad
next person who says something about the earthquakes being God's way of anything gets punched in the face ok
if your fans enjoy guns, and you DON'T want them shoot your political enemies, DON'T figuratively tell them to shoot your political enemies
secret: Don't Unplug Me is about an elderly couple, one of them has an artificial heart, one of them is on life support and not doing well
twitter is like my life, in that I'm only really active in it when tumblr's down.
I wish people'd understand that highschool math isn't actually math and that real math is one of the most elegant and pure art forms we have
does everyone learning guitar go through a "maybe I should just play bass guitar I'd be decent at it" phase?
Discrimination based on sexual preference is pretty gay.
gonna get my legal middle name changed to ;-) so that whenever someone has to say my name at a legal proceeding they have to do a sexy wink
we killed a man. we took his life. forcefully, and I can only assume not very painlessly. this specific thing is not a thing to be proud of.