@warslaw's (e) most faved Tweets...
There's a crinkly hair on the bathroom floor and I don't know if it's mine and wind keeps blowing it toward me. What do I do? What do I do?!
15
I spent all night killing off my inner tortured artist, only to discover that, by doing so, I had become one.
14
Dangerously far behind on my English paper's page count, so I'm thinking of inserting a dream sequence.
10
I open the kitchen medicine cabinet. A beetle paddles serenely in the NyQuil. He is happier than I will ever be.
8
"Yeah, that passive-aggressive parting shot was *really* mature," said the boy on a semi-anonymous forum that that girl will never see.
8
Seems like everything I've starred recently has had to to do with sex. Twitter, the modern man's Rorschach test.
8
It's antithetical, but if the oldies music genre wants to stay relevant, it needs a new name. Like, oldcore. Or deathrock. Maybe hip-pop.
7
I've just written the James Dean of essay intros: freewheeling, exceptional, and oblivious to imminent disaster.
7
Talking on your phone during a play? I don't want to call you "uncultured swine," so will you settle for "fucktard"?
7
There's only one way to celebrate three straight nights of insomnia, and it rhymes with "mournography."
6
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