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when you ask me to pull something out my arse at the last minute don't be surprised when the result is a turd.
I like the word 'localisation' because it's spelt differently depending on which side of the atlantic it's on.
i just drew a triangle for a very important reason. That reason has since escaped me. Anyone need my spare triangle?
advertisers: happy? Massive attack. Evil? Massive attack. Sinister? Massive attack. Unchartered? Massive attack. Happy? Hire a choir.
I don't think this is quite the time for really fucking loud religious worship. He's probably asleep anyway. if He exists. Which He doesn't.
There's a first date going on the table next to me. I think the bloke just admitted to being on the sexual offender register. Possibly.
There's a terminator film on 5 tonight that is neither the first nor second one. Logic, therefore dictates, that this film doesn't exist.
I'm alone in a hipster pub using social networks for company. Kill me.
Commuters tapping away on laptops have exactly the same deeply concentrated poise as babies pushing around porridge on their highchair