when you ask me to pull something out my arse at the last minute don't be surprised when the result is a turd.

I like the word 'localisation' because it's spelt differently depending on which side of the atlantic it's on.

i just drew a triangle for a very important reason. That reason has since escaped me. Anyone need my spare triangle?

advertisers: happy? Massive attack. Evil? Massive attack. Sinister? Massive attack. Unchartered? Massive attack. Happy? Hire a choir.

@piratalondon if you're a fan of retro futurism these pics have always made me a little wobbly http://goo.gl/dORyX

I don't think this is quite the time for really fucking loud religious worship. He's probably asleep anyway. if He exists. Which He doesn't.

@jfcorcoran http://bit.ly/jaNKJ

There's a first date going on the table next to me. I think the bloke just admitted to being on the sexual offender register. Possibly.

Still got it  https://vine.co/v/bDhv6qOe9ip 

It's happy because it's a Yorkshire pudding  http://instagr.am/p/TwFwhLGQTo/ 

 http://cat-bounce.com 

There's a terminator film on 5 tonight that is neither the first nor second one. Logic, therefore dictates, that this film doesn't exist.

made my day “@newhumanist: Oh wow - botched restoration of a 19thC fresco of Jesus http://t.co/Oavj48sh”

My grandma got photobombed at the 1926 Henley Regatta http://t.co/INNiUNRd

Absolutely the most satisfying interaction I've played with in a long time http://t.co/3AiYwYOA via @billyburgoyne

Oh http://t.co/EaPOElmS

I'm alone in a hipster pub using social networks for company. Kill me.

@handcircus @jenpomphrey @cwiss thank you all for the interest all. Please look after my triangle http://t.co/H3zl3Y1p

Commuters tapping away on laptops have exactly the same deeply concentrated poise as babies pushing around porridge on their highchair

these high and low tide pics are rather lovely now aren't they? http://t.co/bajKxrBT