@johntoconnor That's funny. You implied that Mitt drives his own car.

@billcorbett I like to randomly shout, "It's not infected!" on the bus. Always gets a reaction.

@hulkhogan Can I get a RT? I went to work today. And yesterday. And the day before. It's not my b-day. Nothing exciting is happening.

@juicymorsel In a world where some dude yaps on his phone and spends 12 minutes ordering a latte, one woman decides she's had enough.

#FF @maraherron, @michelleisawolf, @cogentanalysis, & @smeagolsfree. Four very funny ladies.

. @frankconniff Christmas in Connecticut State Penitentiary #LifetimeNetworkHolidayMovies

@thethomason Yeah! And don't just assume her name is Sexy.

@lawblob "Michell, the Hulkster only gives the big boot and leg drop. How many times will Macho Man fall for this?

@kylemcdowell86 "You know that's just a quarter pounder with cheese, right?" - Someone on Twitter for the wrong reasons

@thenardvark Hope your scrotum gets as much attention as my mom gave that phone.

"@uberfacts: The final episode of the cartoon “Tom & Jerry” ends with the both of them committing suicide."//Shame it wasn't the first.

Kevin Costner's #ThePostman takes place in 2013. As humans, can we unite in 2013 to rid the planet of all copies of this "film?"

@heykarlin Reality show audition: part 1.

@nice_mustard Wasn't that the missing verse from the song "Part of Your World?"

@vocabularry What if I have a date with Kelly McGillis?

@stevenamiri "No no, that's a different movie. Know your film history before tweeting." - Someone who shouldn't be on Twitter

@eliterry "Hey baby, I've got a second bathtub in the middle of nowhere. You game?"

@uncledynamite More importantly, how many provolone trees were cut down to meet the "every sandwich" quota? So narcissistic, provolone.

. @frankconniff This Christmas, Lindsay Lohan is on "The Naughty List." #LifetimeNetworkHolidayMovies

"@uberfacts: Watching horror movies actually burns more calories than any other genre."//I can think of another genre.