Everyone should #FF @puddingboobs. Because honestly, who doesn't like pudding or boobs?

If @sgtbuttcheeks legitimately gets banned from twitter my timeline will be significantly less fascinating and entertaining. #sadtweet

@cassidyparker33 "@thedailymarker: Vodka is my cup of tea."

@thatgalkibler "@uberfacts: For lactose intolerant people, chocolate can help aid in the digestion of milk."

When you and the person you're DMing are never awake at the same time so you can't have an actual conversation <<< @soy_loco90

Work was a motherfucker tonight. Thank God for my #twitterless boys or I'd have cut a bitch.

The days go so quickly.

@psychodelic420 why is that a question? #itsbacon #dontbeapussy #manthefuckup #eatit

@jessedevault and #twitterlessAlex "@verifieddrunk: You say 'smoking weed' I say 'building up a tolerance against your annoyance'."

@barebakassassin not only has some of the most amazing tweets, but his RTs are pretty badass too. #myfavorite #legit

If only dreams came true.

Reminds me of @lilkibler: Of course I carry a knife, I have a vagina with me at all times. Someone has to protect it /via @puddingboobs

Don't say you miss me when it's your fault I'm gone.

If I don't respond to your text within four minutes there's 93% chance it's because I'm on Twitter and 7% chance that IDGAF about you.

@haleighnoelle11: "I never said anything about masturbating, but I'm pretty good at that." #ImSureYouAre

@lilkibler “@co_man_do: The Clitoratti. Sounds like a cult that would wear hoods.” #punny

#np Love was my mistake cos all I got was permanent heartbreak. #PermanentHeartbreak #TheFridayNightBoys

In four days #TheSmurfs will be available on DVD. I'mma buy that ish and never let it stop playing. #ismurfyou #favoritemovie #loveclumsy

Something 'bout lighting up a Marlboro red and that nicotine rushing to my head and the taste of Southern Comfort on my lips. #JasonAldean

She's too much for me but I keep coming back for more. She's just the girl I'm looking for. #theclickfive #hello8thgradememories